I survived conversion "therapy" (which was defended in "Not all with same-sex attractions want them," Feb 18).
From 2006 to 2010, I visited licensed and unlicensed conversion therapy providers in multiple states.
The process was like hypnosis. The goal was to "cure" my attraction toward other men. My counselors tried to identify a nonexistent trauma that "made me think I was gay." I was told that internalized anger or resentment toward my parents might unlock the mystery to my "sickness." They tried to say I had "gender confusion" from acting in theater. Whatever it was, they told me we had to figure it out to erase my "lie-based" gay behavior.
In March 2009, I was publicly outed. I offered to return to conversion therapy. Despite allowing a therapist to tamper with my memories every week for over a year, I was still kicked out of my private Christian school to "protect" other students.
The details are traumatic. We'd pray for God to bring up "lies" from my past, and almost like with a DVR remote, we deleted those memories. I can't explain what that looks or feels like. They erased pieces of my childhood and loving memories with my parents because they said those moments made me gay. To this day, when I try to recall certain memories, I see only the bright light that was supposed to represent the love of Christ.
This form of "therapy" is now practiced under the name "Transformative Prayer Ministry."
I suffer today from depression, anxiety, PTSD and suicidal ideation that interferes with my everyday life.
Recently, I joined a support group in Minnesota for survivors of conversion therapy where I met Junior Avalos. When he was just 16, Junior paid to attend a conversion therapy camp run by people with no counseling or medical background. Junior recently shared his story on Kare 11: "One of my most painful memories is practicing masculine mannerisms. I had to lower my voice and put my hands in certain positions on my body. If my voice got too high or my wrist went limp, I risked getting physically assaulted. I left hating myself even more. I left with suicidal thoughts, with higher anxiety and with distrust for the entire world, but I still left there gay."