Q. My boss is a bully. He shouts, gives inconsistent direction when I ask for help and then insults me for not being a leader, and is generally dismissive of my contributions. I've tried talking to him and to HR, but nothing has changed. What should I do?
Maura, 36, business analyst
A. You've tried the reasonable solutions — it's likely time to move on.
I mean, really; what keeps you there? This is a serious question. There can be many factors that tie us to a bad situation. For example, you might be extremely well compensated. It can be hard to walk away from a substantial salary and perks, so you need to do some assessment. Look at the impact on your nonwork life if you end up with a pay cut. Can you find ways to adapt?
Or, you may feel like walking away makes you a failure. This is one of those pernicious inner voices that leads us to blame ourselves for everything, even when it's not realistic or fair. It takes a lot of insight and courage to recognize when you're in a no-win situation. In my view, if that's the situation, walking away should earn you an inner Medal of Honor!
Apart from your boss, you may love your work, the mission of your organization, your co-workers, etc. This is hard, because choosing to leave entails losses as well as benefits. Think through the parts of your situation that are good so that you can use these attributes to help guide your next choice. And give yourself space to grieve a bit when it's time to move on.
Keep in mind that you do not deserve to be treated this way. People who bluster and bully may be acting out of their own insecurities, but it can have devastating consequences. Enduring this could lead to undermining your own sense of personal worth and can even trigger serious health issues. It's simply not worth it.
So, on to action! Clarify your vision for your ideal next step in terms of type of company, the role you'd play, and the environment you need. Start talking to people about your professional search, so that you can be in the loop for opportunities.