Employer won't rein in bullying boss, so time to go

Q. My boss is a bully. He shouts, gives inconsistent direction when I ask for help and then insults me for not being a leader, and is generally dismissive of my contributions. I've tried talking to him and to HR, but nothing has changed. What should I do?

Maura, 36, business analyst

A. You've tried the reasonable solutions — it's likely time to move on.

I mean, really; what keeps you there? This is a serious question. There can be many factors that tie us to a bad situation. For example, you might be extremely well compensated. It can be hard to walk away from a substantial salary and perks, so you need to do some assessment. Look at the impact on your nonwork life if you end up with a pay cut. Can you find ways to adapt?

Or, you may feel like walking away makes you a failure. This is one of those pernicious inner voices that leads us to blame ourselves for everything, even when it's not realistic or fair. It takes a lot of insight and courage to recognize when you're in a no-win situation. In my view, if that's the situation, walking away should earn you an inner Medal of Honor!

Apart from your boss, you may love your work, the mission of your organization, your co-workers, etc. This is hard, because choosing to leave entails losses as well as ­benefits. Think through the parts of your situation that are good so that you can use these attributes to help guide your next choice. And give yourself space to grieve a bit when it's time to move on.

Keep in mind that you do not deserve to be treated this way. People who bluster and bully may be acting out of their own insecurities, but it can have devastating consequences. Enduring this could lead to undermining your own sense of personal worth and can even trigger serious health issues. It's simply not worth it.

So, on to action! Clarify your vision for your ideal next step in terms of type of company, the role you'd play, and the environment you need. Start talking to people about your professional search, so that you can be in the loop for opportunities.

Consider getting help from a career coach or reaching out to recruiters. It can be helpful to have a neutral point of view or expertise from others to help move forward. Let others support you, too; the perspectives of friends and family can help reinforce the choices you're making.

Don't let this become your whole life. While you're sorting out next steps, make ­mental space for fun! Find things to laugh about and do things outside of work that give you positive energy. It will make it easier for you to be open to new options and will also help you have a happier demeanor ­(a good thing in a job candidate).

In deciding to move on from a toxic situation, be sure that you are not just running away from a bad scene — transform your point of view into "running to" something new and better. Take the time to determine what you want so that you'll increase your chances for a happy landing.

What challenges do you face at work? Send your questions to Liz Reyer, leadership coach and president of Reyer Coaching & Consulting in Eagan. She can be reached at liz@deliverchange.com.