How not to text like a passive-aggressive Minnesotan

Minnesotans love to text. What's not to love? It's convenient, quick and quiet. Best — or worst — of all, text messaging enables us to hide behind our true feelings.

Between all of those hashtags and emojis, a new phenomenon has surfaced: passive-aggressive texting. This modern convenience easily can morph into an anxiety-ridden mystery as you look for signs behind a text's real meaning, question nonsensical acronyms and wonder if using an exclamation mark or a period will change the receiver's interpretation of your text. (The answer is yes.)

"These delicate decisions consume far too much of my attention, so much that a brief exchange of texts or e-mails can leave me psychologically depleted for the rest of the day," said Paul Scott, 52, of Rochester. "The exclamation point seems to have become officially required in order to not look like you have produced a passive-aggressive text."

The problem isn't just rampant in the land of Minnesota nice. Texters everywhere are texting Minnesotan.

"Yes" doesn't mean "yes!" "K" signals annoyance and "hi." with a period usually means, "We need to talk and you're probably not going to like what I have to say."

"Texts have such a variety of meanings with a simple change of punctuation," said Sara Kerr, a business professor at St. Catherine University. "Text messaging makes passive-aggressiveness worse in the same way Internet comment boards breed nasty trolls and vitriolic comments."

Even when we try to be direct in our messages, texting is limiting. Without facial expressions, body language and the tone of someone's voice, we often assume the worst.

"There's so much misunderstanding that occurs through this medium just because there's not a universal approach to it," said Luke Youngvorst, a doctoral student/instructor at the University of Minnesota. "There is ambiguity to texting and we're left to our own perceptions."

Academic research has tried to help by interpreting the effect of punctuation (hint: don't use periods) in text messages, and the impact of emojis (hint: use them!).

Jimmy Kimmel even tried to break down the confusion on one of his recent shows. "The letter 'K' is like the text equivalent of rolling your eyes at someone," he said.

Think "yep" and "yup" mean the same thing? Wrong.

"Yup should never be confused with yep. Yep is OK, yep is friendly, yep is upbeat," Kimmel said. "But if the 'e' changes to a 'u' that person probably wants to put you into a woodchipper."

So, can the problem be fixed? With the help of expert communicators and millennials (after all, they send 67 texts a day, on average) we came up with a universal approach on how not to text Minnesotan:

1. Lose the attitude, i.e. the period. If you want to be less passive-aggressive, start by rejecting the most basic punctuation mark. A Binghamton University study found that text messages ending with a period are perceived as less sincere. Study participants said that "Sure" is a term of agreement, whereas "Sure." with a period is passive-aggressive indifference.

"Ending a text with a period seems like cutting off communication entirely, as if to say, 'conversation over,' " Youngvorst said. "We read into the use of periods, because it shows the sender purposefully went out of their way to add a period to a message that otherwise would've been fine without it."

2. Use more emojis. Love them or hate them, emojis are here to stay. We now have hundreds of tiny icons to help convey everything from sadness to applause.

"Emojis can soften or accentuate the meaning of something," Kerr said. They help reduce ambiguity."

Use them purposefully in addition to text, but not alone, Youngvorst said. Sending a lone thumbs-up emoji after a friend cancels plans could lead the friend to believe you're being passive-aggressive even if you're not.

3. Use the exclamation mark. Intended or not, periods and exclamation marks change our messages' meanings. The exclamation point is similar to an emoji — it implies an opinion or feeling. Example: "Yes" vs "Yes!"

"I always try to convey enthusiasm, happiness in excitement. For that reason I use a lot of emojis and exclamation points," said Emma Dunn, a sophomore at the University of Minnesota. "If I read a text message from someone else and I am unsure of meaning or tone, I have to text for reassurance that nothing is wrong."

4. A letter isn't just a letter. A text with a single letter can imply that the sender doesn't have time for you. A "K" with a period might as well be a middle-finger emoji.

"It is common knowledge among people my age that 'K' is not a good response to receive," said Dunn. "This usually means a conflict is happening."

5. Change your expectations. Text messages are intended to be short. They're a quick way to communicate, so unless you're texting your boss, you don't have to be formal, and neither does the sender. Unless it's being used to convey emotion, punctuation is pointless. If you do receive a text chock-full of K's, yups and periods, calm down — everything is probably OK.

When it doubt, just make a phone call.

Period.

Aimee Blanchette • 612-673-1715