Thank you for joining us, DFL. This is an intervention.
We asked you here because we care about you. We understand you are struggling through the denial, handwringing and blame-shifting that comes with a humiliating time in your life. We feel your pain. But your self-destructive behavior is impacting us all.
We are committed to helping you through a three-step program of recovery (and that's nine steps fewer than most!).
The first step is … admitting you have a problem. That's pretty obvious, isn't it? Despite spending about twice as much as the other guys, Democrats lost the presidency, Congress, tacit control of the judiciary, and about seven out of every 10 state legislative chambers, including your Minnesota Senate bulwark.
Many reasons, of course. Republican Inc. has always been better than the Democrat Co-op at the cutthroat battleground tactics necessary to win elections. If they could sell the damaged merchandise at the top of their ticket this year, they pretty much proved they can sell anything.
Republicans also capitalized on the mess you have made of critical services like health care, which you seem incapable of making work. Voters don't want rationalizations — they just want the trains to run on time. You really need to shed the quaint, naive belief that voters are motivated by facts and logic, rather than emotional perceptions.
Unfortunately, your underlying malady is far more intractable than the proximate causes of your most recent relapse. In short, you have developed a systemic insensitivity to an electorate you no longer represent. So, baby steps.
The second step of your recovery is to stop lecturing the proletariat. Here are two recent examples that clearly illustrate why the patronizing illuminati were summarily rejected by the illiterati: