It's easy to buy eyeglasses online. No, you don't have to call up a website and say "better" and "worse" when they show you blurry pictures. Nonetheless, turning my back on the glasses store felt like a divorce. I'm leaving you. I can't take it anymore. You want something from me I just can't give you, and that's $300 for a few ounces of wire.
The online store had 10 times the selection and prices one-third the cost of the mall stores, and if the glasses don't work I can send them back for a full refund. Maybe I missed some fine print that makes it a bad deal (Caution: lenses are made of sugar and may dissolve in rain; frames may be made from recycled Chernobyl fuel rods). But I hate the glasses I got just a year ago and don't feel like cashing a municipal bond to buy another set, so this might work.
After I had checked out of the online store, I was invited to take a survey, with the promise of a gift at the end. Sure. Why not?
It was the usual process. They ask for a numerical grade on your shopping experience, and you write: "Wasn't wearing pants. They make you wear pants at the mall. So, I guess, 8."
First question: Would you recommend GlassesPlus4All to your friends?
No. But let me explain. One friend got the cut-rate laser surgery — they used one of those laser pointers instead of the surgical variety — and he walks into walls now. So it would be cruel to say, "Boy, did I save money on glasses, and I'm not seeing triplicate!" Another friend wears cheaters he gets at Walgreens, and I don't think someone who's content to get cheap glasses from a display next to bunion creams is particularly style-conscious. So, 6.
How would you rate GlassesPlus4All for value? I missed the guy in the store at the mall who wears a white lab coat and stares intently at your forehead while sliding the glasses on your face, like you're a human bomb he's about to defuse. But I know I paid an extra $27 for that because he was in a white lab coat, which means it cost someone something. You're cheap. So, 10.
How would you rate the variety of styles? The website had a lot of pairs I remember Grandpa wearing — black on the top, clear on the bottom. I always associated them with old men, but they're hip now. But if I bought a pair, someday I'd look in the mirror and see Grandpa looking back at me. Also, I was hoping you'd have a pince-nez option, because I'm thinking the Teddy Roosevelt look is due for a revival. So, 3.
