According to FBI statements released last week, the metro area is a mortgage-fraud hotbed. That's the technical term: hotbed. This won't surprise anyone who's watched the real estate market in the last few years. You could scrawl a made-up Social Security number on a lawn gnome and roll him into some mortgage offices, and he'd get a loan. Are you the victim of hotbed-related mortgage fraud? Here are some warning signs your mortgage guy wasn't entirely legal: • Accepted Monopoly money and gold-foil-covered chocolates at closing for the down payment.
• Would leave the closing every 10 minutes to wipe off the tanning beds in the next room.
• Used air quotes when asking if you had a "job."
• Let you use a stuffed animal to co-sign the loan.
• Gave you a loan below market interest rates based on nothing more than a phone call from the lender's CEO and concluded the closing by saying, "Nice to meet you, Senator."
• Asked if you would be interested in buying six other houses now, as long as we're here and we have the pens out and everything.
• Most telling sign your mortgage may not have been on the up and up: They lent you more money than you could ever pay back to buy a house you could not possibly afford.
Hah! Just kidding. That last one's perfectly legal.
