Adoption terms have changed

Just as adoption has changed, so has the language used to describe its often complex processes and relationships.

Terms like "unwed mother" and "illegitimate child" have long been banished by social workers, attorneys and agencies that work with adoption.

Likewise, "real mother" or "natural parent" have been replaced with "birth mother," "biological father" or, occasionally, "first parent."

One turn of phrase that adoption advocates would like to see excised is that a parent "gave up their baby for adoption," which dates to an era when young women with unplanned pregnancies had few choices and no input into the families that would raise their children.

"Adoption is very intentional today, and that should be reflected in how we talk about it," said Betsy Trondson, who has worked as an adoption social worker for 22 years and regularly joins the Adoption Option Council of Minnesota to talk to high school classes.

As an alternative, she suggests saying that a parent "made an adoption plan," "placed their child for adoption" or "chose adoption for their child."

There's another comment that birth mother Kate Gillen would like to see come to a halt, a common sentiment that she said is unintentionally hurtful.

"People often say, 'I could never do that,' and that implies that they would love their child too much to consider adoption," she said. "It implies we weren't willing to tough it out and make it work. But what we did was to care enough to put the child first when we weren't in a position to parent."

Kevyn Burger