Alexis on the Sexes: Log off

Q: I am a young lady who has masturbating down to a science; five minutes tops, but I can prolong it for enjoyment's sake. But here is the catch: It requires porn.

Without the sounds or images, it takes forever. Sometimes I can't even get off. I try to get myself off without porn, but I get frustrated and break out the laptop. And sex -- don't even get me started on that. I have been sleeping with the same guy for four months, and I have never been so intimately comfortable with anyone. The sex is phenomenal, intimate and really fun, with laughs included. During sex I get so close, but I just can't seal the deal.

I don't think about it during sex, but I think about it afterwards: Is masturbating with porn the only way I can orgasm because I have trained myself with it? My partner is pretty frustrated with my lack of getting off; although the sex is awesome, he wants to see and feel my pleasure, as well.

A: Isn't free Internet porn the best? From the user-loaded amateur vids of YouPorn.com to the professional quality (though often not quite female-empowering) clips on LubeTube.com, a girl no longer has to fork over monthly membership fees to a website that was undoubtedly infesting her computer with shady spyware. Every clip is handily tagged with descriptions and a thumbnail image to show you exactly what you're going to get. Will it be "hard anal" or "blowjob facial" today? How about one of each! There's even a search function to help you find just what tickles your little pink fancy.

However, it's still possible to get too much of a good thing, and you've overindulged to the point of co-dependency. Sweetie, it's time to put the virtual dick down for a little while. You know how absence makes the heart grow fonder? Well, porn abstinence makes your libido seek out orgasm like a coke fiend looks for residue on a mirror.

Your biggest erogenous zone is your brain, and it works better the more you use it. But you've made your noodle a little lazy by not forcing those creative juices to flow during masturbation. You've also tricked your poor brain into believing that watching Justin Long do his thing is the only way you can reach orgasm. Even if you're not consciously wondering if you'll climax during sex, there's still a teensy-weensy corner of your mind going "Where's the porn at?"

It's time to retrain your brain, and all you need is a little patience. Don't think about "sealing the deal" during sex; just enjoy the experience and all the great sensations you and your partner are giving each other. Because the vagina itself doesn't have too many nerve endings (being the stretchy baby shooter that it is), concentrate on the clitoris through oral sex and manual stimulation.

Vibrating cock rings are also nifty. Bring 59 bucks to the Smitten Kitten and walk out with a slick silicone ring, complete with durable vibe and batteries. Find a sex position that puts the vibe up against your clit and rock the night away. Hang a mirror on an adjacent wall for some added visual stimulation -- like a live version of your own skin flick, but without the threat of ending up in an ex's revenge clip on the Web.

If your porno proclivities are of a homosexual nature, you need to talk to your partner about adding an element to your sex life. I don't generally give threesomes the Alexis Stamp of Approval, but some verbal fantasizing (i.e. lesbian-themed dirty talk) can add a little zing. Likewise, if you're secretly watching fetish porn to get off, then it's time to make peace with your penchant for latex. Who knows, you might open the door for your boyfriend to finally speak up about his private interest in bondage, and then you two will really have a party.