An ‘Amen’ to Empathy: Finding Power in Understanding the “Other”

Rabbi Sharon Brous, a co-founder and lead rabbi of the IKAR Jewish congregation in Los Angeles, has some ideas for people who are feeling disconnected, isolated, and polarized: Be brave with your pain, and brave when you meet people who are hurting (or who have hurt you.) Be present. Seek encounter. And make time for joy.

Brous, author of the bestselling book, “The Amen Effect: Ancient Wisdom to Heal Our Hearts and Mend Our Broken World,” shared her thoughts as part of the University of St. Thomas’ Finding Forward speaker series. The event, co-sponsored by the university’s College of Arts & Sciences, the Jay Phillips Center for Interreligious Studies, and the Encountering Judaism Initiative of the Department of Theology and made possible by the Michael Linda Fetterman Family Foundation, continued the series’ exploration of how people can bridge divides even – and perhaps especially – when they are in conflict.

In a conversation with St. Thomas president Rob Vischer, Brous recounted her journey from a secular childhood to reclaiming her Jewish faith and eventually becoming a rabbi. During this journey, she discovered that people were not only isolated from their faith, but from each other.

“I started to think about, what is the pastoral responsibility when people are really hurting, when their hearts are broken?” Brous said.

Advice on Engagement 2,000 Years in the Making

Brous found one part of the answer in seminary when reading a text about an ancient Jewish ritual at the Temple Mount, where pilgrims would circumnavigate a courtyard, all in the same direction. Those who were feeling brokenhearted or ostracized, however, would walk against the flow.

When encountering the brokenhearted or ostracized, the pilgrims would listen to their stories – and then bless them. “It was actually creating … a formula for what it means to be brave when we’re brokenhearted and actually show up with our pain, and what it means to be brave when we encounter the brokenhearted,” Brous said.

Escaping the Trap of Solutions

Applying this model of encounter and judgement-free empathy, Brous believes, is a way to treat the “other” like a human and perhaps open a door for both parties to understand and engage with each other, stop trying to hurt each other, and move forward.

But more importantly, it helps make a practice of empathy even when a person can’t change what another is facing, she said.

“Unless you are like a heart surgeon or a car mechanic, your job is not to fix it. Your job is just to be present,” Brous said.

Empathy and Caring as Empowerment

“One of the ways that we can remember that we’re not (powerless) is by taking care of each other,” she said. “This idea of turning towards each other not only reignites our spiritual world, but also, I think, could save our society.”

Brous offered three simple practices from her book that she said can transform lives from the inside.

First, simply showing up and being present in hard times can soothe the brokenhearted. Second, citing a study that found a third of Americans don’t know their neighbors, she urges people to walk around their block or neighborhood once a week and greet everyone they see. “It actually changed me,” she said. “And I think it changed the way that they relate to me and that I relate to them.”

Third, Brous encourages people to set aside time daily to do something that brings joy. “Joy is not a luxury. It is a spiritual practice,” she said. “Our hearts need joy.”

Brous doesn’t promise this will solve the world’s problems. Engaging with those on the other side won’t always go well, which is why it takes bravery.

Finding Forward’s next event will be held on April 25th

Richard M. Schulze, Founder, The Richard M. Schulze Family Foundation; Founder and Executive Chairman, Best Buy; will be the keynote speaker. He will be joined by University of St. Thomas President, Rob Vischer.