Ask Amy: A sad story about a writers' group

Dear Amy: I attend a wonderful writers' group with six people at our library. One individual there is hijacking the meetings by interrupting and talking so much that she dominates the entire time we have together.

None of us get a chance to ask for feedback on our writing or to ask questions or contribute to the session.

I took her aside and as gently as possible asked if she could kindly hold off on talking so much and allow all of us to participate. Her behavior never changed, and one by one members (including me) stopped going.

Can you dig up some thoughts as to how to fix this situation? I'm ready to shout: "Will you please just shut up!" But that doesn't seem like the best solution.

Amy says: From your narrative, it sounds as if this writers' group has more or less disintegrated, due to this overwhelming member's dominance.

Writers' groups are not like book groups, where participants engage in freewheeling discussions on a particular work. Writers' groups exist as a helpful platform for writers to read from their own work and receive constructive feedback from the other members. Each person should bring something to share at each session, taking turns reading and receiving feedback.

My point is that it's not a writers' group if only one person is sharing and talking — that's a lecture.

My suggestion is the most obvious one: Start your own guerrilla group. Cap the membership at six people who agree to the guidelines, meet at someone's home and run the meeting yourself.

Dear Amy: We had a party tonight. It's not easy to throw parties — from planning, setting up the house, buying and preparing food, etc.

First, I would like to remind folks that it's common courtesy to respond to an invitation. There were eight people who didn't even RSVP.

Second, out of 35 people who responded yes, two canceled the night before, two canceled minutes before and six were no-shows.

We did have a great time, loved the people who attended and made some great memories. However, the leftover food is a waste, and the inconsiderate "friends" left us feeling embarrassed and sad.

What do we say to these people the next time we see them?

Amy says: Yes, it is common courtesy to respond to an invitation. And yes, common courtesy isn't all that common.

Hosts should be prepared for some late cancellations. People can't control everything in their lives, and sometimes plans have to be scrapped at the last minute.

Technology has enabled hosts to keep track of their guest lists. If you use an Evite, you also can remind guests the week of the party, offer last-minute directions to the venue and "nudge" those who haven't responded to your invitation to please get back to you. Otherwise, you can do what many beleaguered hosts do, which is to call those who haven't responded and ask them if they'll be able to make it.

In terms of what to say to people who have ignored your invitation, it's not necessary to say anything (unless you want to). You could choose to leave them off the list for your next party.

Dear Amy: My heart hurt for the divorced mother of two who mourned for her previous life when she "used to have everything." Thank you for encouraging her to see herself as a survivor.

Amy says: I hope she can successfully reframe these yearnings to see what a winner she really is.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.