Ask Amy: Baby brings out the worst in in-laws

Dear Amy: When our son and his wife announced their pregnancy (our first grandchild) it was at an event held at her folks' house. They announced that her mother was going to be a grandmother for a fourth time, never mentioning us, even though we were there.

Later, we told them that we were upset by this, but we understood that they didn't mean to hurt us. We asked them to please keep in mind that their child will have two sets of grandparents.

They seemed genuinely stunned and were very sorry. We forgave them, moved on, and never mentioned the episode to anyone. But her mother became more distant and cold toward us. It seems that our daughter-in-law related this episode to her mother.

A few months later, when the kids announced the baby's name, it was again a showcase only on her parents. We were not acknowledged.

I must have looked hurt. Her parents then exploded at us, threatening violence and calling us narcissistic. She told me that I would have "Hell to pay" if I ever corrected her daughter again. This played out in front of other people, who were just as stunned as my husband and I were.

Now they completely ignore us. But more importantly, since the baby's birth, our son and daughter-in-law are very inclusive. I actually feel like we are closer than we were before, even though we have never talked about what happened.

We don't want to put them in the middle. I'm wondering if we should try to talk to her parents about this, or should we leave it be?

In terms of the other in-laws, if you can think of a legitimate or pressing reason to risk their wrath, then go ahead and wade in. But avoiding rude and volatile people is a natural and protective instinct, and steering clear is a logical consequence of their behavior toward you.

You might, however, ask your daughter-in-law if she would like for you to attempt to reach out to her parents for any reason. In my view, this is not putting her in the middle of anything, but it is showing her that you are sensitive and respectful.

She might actually prefer keeping these bullies away from you, at least for now.

Dear Amy: My granddaughter is 11. She is spunky and smart. Precocious. Recently, she stayed with my husband and me for a few days. It was really a lot of fun.

However, she was using her phone fairly constantly to film things, including us and our pets. Harmless stuff, I thought. But then she showed us that she was posting a lot of these videos on TikTok.

She's upset, and my husband disagrees with my choice. Neither of us can decide whether to tell her mom (our daughter). What do you think?

Amy says: You did the right thing. Your granddaughter needs to learn about privacy and consent. She also should not have a TikTok account until she is 13.

Yes, you should talk to her parents. They might not even realize she has an account. Their daughter is old enough (and probably clever enough) to create and post a feature-length film. However, she is not old enough or mature enough to understand concepts like risk, privacy and consent.