Ask Amy: Bad second act ruins Broadway trip

Dear Amy: My friend "Annie" and I are both in our mid-20s and love musicals. We decided to travel to New York City in October to see a few Broadway shows.

The tickets were fairly pricey, so I was planning on saving money by staying with a friend who lives in the city. I thought my friend probably could make room for Annie, too.

After we agreed on the dates and shows, Annie sent me a message saying she'd invited her husband. I was frustrated. It was the first time in our planning she'd mentioned her husband coming.

I like her husband, but the past few times he joined us for shows he fell asleep and snored. If she had brought it up earlier, I would have pushed back.

I now have two questions: First, my friend can't host three people in their tiny apartment. Is it all right if I leave Annie and her husband to find a hotel on their own?

Second, how do I express that I don't want her husband included on every trip, and that she needs to ask way earlier in the planning process if she wants to bring him?

Amy says: Younger couples sometimes feel the need to do every single thing together (more seasoned couples offer one another more latitude), and I have a theory that Annie's husband might have wheeled his way in, just as she was perusing the online theater seating chart for her ticket.

I hope you will take this as a lesson to always communicate and clarify. (Trust me, this lesson is worth the price of a Broadway ticket.)

Tell her, "I'm frustrated. I thought this was a two-person weekend. I like your husband, but now I feel like a third wheel. I really wish you had discussed this with me beforehand. Also, unfortunately there is no way my friend can squeeze in three extra people, so can you two find a place to stay?"

After telling her this, I hope you still can have a fun time. If you let this frustration defeat you, the weekend will have been a waste.

Dear Amy: Should I decline opportunities to see friends or family if it is to attend an unpleasant activity?

My friends love watching terrible movies and discussing the plot and production in excruciating detail. And my family is upset that I don't want to attend sporting events that I no longer enjoy because of my poor vision, auditory sensitivities and overall lack of interest.

Amy says: It's a shame you can't attend these events, even ironically, because a sense of irony (or of seeing the humor) can be extremely helpful — especially when listening to others gasbag about a terrible movie.

I wonder, also, if these friends might be interested in viewing a movie of your choosing?

If you don't want to attend a gathering — for any reason — then don't attend. Your best strategy is to learn to tolerate others' disappointment if you choose not to attend a gathering where you will be uncomfortable.

Your friends and family are trying to include you, and even when declining, you should thank them for the invitation.