Dear Amy: Should I have to tell my boyfriend every single place I go during the day? Sometimes I just want to get out of the house. I'm a mother of two young boys. My oldest is in school, and I'm at home with my youngest.
I get the whole "respect" thing. I'm very respectful to my boyfriend. I love him very much. I can see that if I were going to places that were inappropriate, he'd be concerned, but I'm not.
Sometimes I'll just go to the Goodwill store or to visit my parents. My boyfriend tells me he feels that I lie to him because I don't tell him these things that my child and I do while he's at work.
I trust him, even though I just got out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist a year ago. I still have a lot of things I need to work out within myself, but I don't want anyone else to try to control me.
What do you think?
Amy says: "How was your day?" and "What did you do today?" are both simple and respectful conversation-starters. The red flag here is if your boyfriend accuses you of lying when you neglect to fill in every detail of how you spent your time during the day.
It's time for you to ask a question: Does he need a complete accounting of how you spent your time? And, if so, why?
Given that you are recently out of a controlling relationship, it seems too soon for you to be in another serious relationship. You need to give yourself time to work on some personal issues, and the person you are with (when the time is right) not only should trust you completely, but should value your judgment, strength and independence.
