Ask Amy: Favoritism extends to estate

Dear Amy: My husband and I have four children, all in college. I am the main breadwinner as a business owner. My husband's brother has made mistakes in his life, the main one being to marry an unstable, unpredictable and irresponsible woman.

She alienated him from the rest of us and was very unkind to me, specifically. They have one daughter, "Kristen." (She has other children she doesn't see and didn't raise.) She does not work and spends selfishly and lavishly.

My mother-in-law always has favored Kristen, but is a wonderful presence for all of her grandchildren. She now wants to transfer the family vacation cottage to my husband, while leaving the rest of her estate to his brother.

This transfer will cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees and taxes. We have agreed to take this on to keep the cottage in the family. Our children enjoy it. The catch is that my mother-in-law wants us to also give her money to fund Kristen's education. If we don't contribute, she is threatening to sell the cottage.

This situation potentially could end the relationship between her and our family, and yet I can't fathom using my hard-earned money to fund Kristen's education based on her mother's selfishness.

Do I need to get over my angst, or do I walk away and let it ruin relationships and an opportunity to preserve something important to us?

Amy says: You could offer to buy the cottage from your mother-in-law. If she wants to use that money to invest in Kristen's education, that's her business. If she insists that you contribute additional money, the same rule applies: It's your money and none of her business.

There are many other cottages out there, offering you and your husband the opportunity to build fresh and unfettered experiences with your children.

Dear Amy: My friend and I went to a church meeting in the evening, at which they served coffee and dessert. We asked the hostess if the coffee was decaf, and she said that it was. That night I couldn't get to sleep for many hours. My friend also said she was awake most of the night.

On Sunday we asked the woman who had been the hostess about the coffee again. She just scoffed and said, "It doesn't make any difference." She had lied!

I know we only lost a few hours of sleep, but what if one of us were allergic to caffeine or had a heart problem? Or what about a person with a nut allergy? That can be deadly. Does she lie about the presence of nuts, too?

No question here; just a warning: No one should ever lie to someone about something they're going to ingest.

Amy says: I completely agree. Furthermore, you shouldn't be scoffed at for raising a legitimate concern.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.