Dear Amy: I married my husband two years ago. He has two children from a previous marriage, both in their mid-20s. I have a teen still at home.

We have a really nice time with his children. We regularly talk/check in with them, and I believe we have a good relationship.

However, recently my mother died after a sudden and torturous battle with cancer. My stepchildren have not expressed their condolences in any way, and both skipped the funeral. I saw them two days later, and they did not address it at all.

My feelings are very hurt, but I'm not sure they should be. I haven't shared my feelings with my husband because I don't want him to feel bad. My mother often commented about how people in their 20s are particularly self-involved. So this may just be the behavior of that age group.

I suppose my real worry is that while we all get along, they do not want to be close. I do want to be close. I love them and want to nurture a relationship between us. Should I bring this up? Or should I allow my feelings to subside (I'm sure they will), and allow time to tell?

Amy says: Don't question your hurt feelings. Your feelings are yours, they are real, and you have every right to feel them.

Your late mother was onto something about people in their mid-20s. They are expected to assume mature behavior because they are adults. But if they don't know what to do in a given situation (expressing condolences, for instance), they tend to avoid it.

You must talk to your husband about this. This disappointment is adding to your grief. He should advocate for you by essentially telling his children how important it is for them to express their condolences to you.

You and your husband are still in the process of knitting your family together. Let him do his best to comfort you, now.

Child labor

Dear Amy: My husband and I have two young children (ages 3 and 1). I feel bad anytime I try to do something that isn't directly benefiting the kids. I let dishes and laundry pile up because I feel like I'm neglecting them if I don't spend as much time as possible playing with them.

I could have them play in another room while I clean, but how do I let go of the guilt for having my attention elsewhere?

Amy says: Don't leave them in another room while you work — have them "help" you. A 1-year-old can gather up Tupperware lids while the elder child stands on a chair to help you wash nonbreakable items.

There are many, many lessons embedded in house and yard work — and you could use some of these chores to teach your children. That's the opposite of neglecting them.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.