Ask Amy: 'Happy drunk' spins a sad tale

Dear Amy: I am a man in my early 70s, and I drink too much. I started when I was 16 and have continued ever since. Five or six cocktails each evening is the norm for me.

I haven't looked into Alcoholics Anonymous because I don't have anyone to apologize to. Everything I hear about AA involves atoning for past mistakes that have hurt people, but alcohol hasn't caused problems for me.

It hasn't caused any marital, family, or legal issues. I've never missed work because of it. I coached my two sons for years in baseball. I never drank before games or practices. I never drink before any type of public function, and never drive drunk.

I'm a happy drunk. I sit in my chair and drink and watch ball games. People tell me I am the easiest-going guy they have ever met. I operate a successful business from my home. The last physical I had (five years ago) revealed that my liver is fine. I cycle about 50 miles a week.

I doubt I could quit cold turkey. I have the shakes when I wake up in the morning, and I usually have one drink before noon just to keep my heart from pounding out of my chest.

A lot of people in my age group have health problems. I just keep motoring along, but I know this amount of alcohol is bound to catch up with me. I know I should quit. Your advice?

Amy says: I appreciate that you know you need to address your addiction. But your reason for avoiding it is the very essence of a specious denial. AA is not the only venue through which to confront your drinking. If you don't like that program, there are lots of others.

Your claim that you are a "happy drunk" is somewhat contradicted by the evidence you present. You obviously are addicted — you've got the shakes, and you need to have alcohol in order to function physically. Instead of you saying that your drinking hasn't caused any relationship issues, perhaps you should ask the other people involved if they feel the same way.

You are relying on a five-year-old physical for evidence that you are healthy. Your first step should be to have a thorough checkup; describe your alcohol addiction frankly and honestly to your physician, and ask for advice on how to address it.

Dear Amy: I'm a millennial. Growing up, I played tennis with my dad regularly. Neither of us were very good, but it was something we did together.

A few years ago, a bad pattern developed. My father would either cancel or be late about half the times we were scheduled to play. I got tired of it, so I quit playing tennis.

Now my father asks me to play whenever I see him, which is usually twice a month. He also has my mom asking if I will play tennis with him. How can I respond to these endlessly annoying inquiries?

Amy says: Speaking of annoying inquiries, I might place yours in that category.

Have you ever simply told your folks that you've given up playing tennis? Your father quite obviously would like to revive the practice of doing something special with you. Rather than understand this as a bid for connection, you choose to be annoyed by it.

The kindest response would be for you to suggest another activity you two could enjoy together. Go to a sporting event, perhaps? Have a jigsaw puzzle night? Take a hike? There are countless possibilities.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.