Ask Amy: Hubby's extra pounds weigh heavily on wife

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for nine years. When we were newly married, we had the luxury of running after work and hiking on the weekends. We did not have a lot of stress.

Fast-forward to two kids, a home, careers and a life out of balance — and my husband has gained about 60 pounds.

I am not judging him. I completely understand the problem of stress eating and having too little time to work out. My issue is his health. I'm terrified of him having a heart attack or a stroke.

He knows he needs to lose weight. He eats bags of cookies, brownies and fast food. He refuses to go to the doctor because he says he "needs to lose weight first." He hasn't had a physical in more than seven years.

I don't want to make him feel worse than I know he already does. But it's getting to the point where something has to change. How do I address this with him without making him feel ashamed or judged?

Amy says: Your husband knows that he has a weight problem. He has expressed as much by saying that he is avoiding getting a checkup because of the dreaded scale at the doctor's office.

Anyone can decline to be weighed by the doctor, by the way. So first, you should urge your husband to see his doctor and ask not to be weighed, if being weighed makes him uncomfortable.

People sometimes overeat for a variety of complicated reasons, and if a person is committed to diving in and decoding these reasons and triggers, it can help them to regain a sense of control. A nutritionist can help to reset some of these behaviors through education and coaching; a therapist can help by talking about stress and offering coping techniques.

You could open this up as a topic, if he is willing to discuss it. Assure him that you love him, that you've got his back and that you will make space for him to pursue any endeavors that might help him to regain his good health.

If he doesn't want to discuss it, leave the topic alone. He'll get there when he's ready.

Dear Amy: My given name is "Jan." My family and friends call me that. It is the only name I've ever known. But others often take as a nickname for "Janet" or "Janice/Janis" until I correct them.

There is a woman living in my small town who always calls me Janet, even though my daughter and I have told her many times what my real name is.

Yesterday in a grocery store she called me Janet twice, and I didn't answer because my back was turned so I didn't see her, didn't recognize the voice and — hello — it's not my name. I fear that she thinks I was giving her the cold shoulder.

The next time she calls me Janet, should I remind her again, or just put up with it?

Amy says: I wonder if this person knows a Jan/Janet and reflexively reverts to a name that isn't yours.

The next time this happens, be patient: "You always call me Janet, but I get confused because that's not my name. It's Jan. It's not short for Janet. It's just Jan. So you can call me 'Just Jan' if you want, but I don't answer to Janet."

If you continue to be misnamed, accept it as a quirk and greet it with a sigh.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.