Ask Amy: Is the 'ex' still in the picture?

Dear Amy: I have traveled to meet a wonderful man that I really look forward to getting to know better. I paid for the first trip to visit him. He sent me a check for the upcoming second trip, but I am leaning toward not cashing it and paying for this second trip on my own.

The check is from his and his ex-wife's joint account, which they still share.

I have no regrets in life, but feel that if I cash this check, I will have one. I have no drama in my life. I worry that this ex will make drama. I do not need her in my business.

How can I express myself and return this check on my next visit?

Amy says: Whenever your gut tells you to put the brakes on — even if you're not sure why — you'd be wise to pay attention. Paying for your own trips puts you in the driver's seat of your own life (making it much easier to apply those brakes, if it comes to that).

If you want to travel to see him, then do it. When it comes to expressing yourself to Mr. Wonder Guy, try this as an ice breaker: "I'm curious — why do you and your ex-wife maintain a joint checking account?"

If I were you, I'd wonder if this man is actually divorced.

Dear Amy: I moved to a retirement community several years ago. A mixture of couples and singles live here.

I've met someone who hasn't been alone as long as I have. He is ruggedly handsome, walks with a confident swagger and has a great and engaging personality. We have become close. We share many common interests. He is loving, tender and considerate of my feelings and needs.

My problem is that I've fallen in love with him. However, I don't want to be hurt if he doesn't feel the way I do. I'd like your advice on whether I should break this off and take my emotional lumps now or hang in and hope for the best.

Amy says: My understanding about some retirement communities is that they can be hotbeds of ... hot beds.

Romantic attraction will always — to varying degrees — pull us back to high school. And, just like then, the feeling of love and attraction leads to extreme vulnerability.

You should talk to this man about your relationship. What does he want, and what do you want? Does he want to be in an exclusive relationship? Do you?

Dear Amy: Is there a new writer for your column? The replies have become noticeably less angry, newly apolitical and actually helpful and kind.

Amy says: I am the only writer for this column and have been for 20 years. Thank you for delivering one of the most backhanded compliments I've ever received.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.