Ask Amy: Large loan needs to be repaid

Dear Amy: My husband "George" lent our friend "Steve" $60,000. George died several months after the loan was made. Steve then ran into hard times.

He has repaid $30,000, with a commitment to repay the rest. It's been two years now. Steve is back on his feet and has been able to take several nice vacations, but there has been no mention of making a payment.

Any suggestions on how to nicely bring up the debt owed? I am on a fixed income and would appreciate the payment, and I also would like to keep the friendship.

Amy says: As it is, your friendship is compromised because you both are avoiding discussing the money he owes your husband's estate.

The way to bring this up is to be straightforward and honest, conveying your positive assumption that this loan will be repaid.

Make sure you have access to bank records, noting the original transaction and the half-repayment. You should send an email, in order to have a record of your written communication.

I suggest using wording along these lines: "Dear Steve, I hope you are well. I'm contacting you regarding the outstanding amount you owe on the loan George made to you. According to my records, you have repaid $30,000 of the total $60,000.

"After granting you extra time to repay, I am now eager to receive the remaining amount within a reasonable time frame. I value our friendship, just as George did; he was happy to help you when you were in need. Let's revive this conversation in order to get this matter settled."

If you don't receive a reply, or if the reply is not reasonable or acceptable to you, then you should contact a lawyer.

Dear Amy: I've been off-and-on friends with "Stacy" for 10 years. Recently she found out what medications I take, and she won't stop bugging me about coming off birth control pills.

I'm 37 and I have a very serious and painful reproductive condition and am following my physician's recommendation for the best way to treat it. I'm also on antidepressants.

She's annoyed at me for the choices I've made. She is extremely anti-medication. I have blocked her on social media before because of this.

We're currently not talking. Should I just forget her?

Amy says: I assume that Stacy has your medical information because you disclosed it to her. And I assume you regret having done so.

Quite simply, your medical issues and the treatment you're receiving are none of her business. Furthermore, her recommendations regarding your health might make things worse for you.

Stacy seems like a classic boundary-leaper. Yes, it seems like the right time to move away from this friendship.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the writer who felt the need to confront his older brother for abuse 60 years ago, I agree with you about these two brothers addressing their past in a positive way.

My two younger brothers and I were raised by a single mother. My brothers thought I was her favorite and were resentful about it.

Comparing notes as adults was healing for all of us. It made us realize how differently the same situation was seen by each sibling.

Amy says: I think of this as the "Rashomon" effect, a nod to the groundbreaking Japanese movie that showed the same event from several conflicting perspectives.

I urge family members to be open to all versions of events. This is what leads to insight and understanding.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.