Dear Amy: My wife is a doctor who, at the beginning of the pandemic, needed to be extremely cautious about her exposure to COVID.

We asked our adult daughter, "Sarah," to limit the circle of people she had personal contact with so we could still have in-person visits with her and our grandchildren, while protecting my wife's patients.

One day we saw a picture of Sarah on social media having cocktails unmasked and indoors at the home of a mutual friend, Carrie. We informed both Sarah and Carrie that Sarah now had to quarantine for two weeks.

We called Carrie to ask her to stop these invitations so that we could see our daughter. While we were on the phone with Carrie, she texted Sarah to invite her for cocktails that evening. (Sarah was sitting next to us while we called.)

My wife later told Carrie how angry we were. Carrie said my wife was being overly sensitive. A few weeks later, Carrie's husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer. She promptly informed everyone how important it was that they isolate.

I have opted to cut off contact with Carrie, but my wife says that she will not abandon this friend in a time of need.

Carrie is now on a mission to paint me as the source of friction in her friendship with my wife. She recently criticized me in front of others, and my wife did not defend me. What should I do?

Amy says: You seem to believe that you can control other people simply by asking — or telling — them what to do.

To recap: You and your wife explained to your adult daughter the serious health risks created by various choices she might make. Surely she understood your concerns and the reasons behind them.. Nonetheless, she chose to ignore your wishes, and then had the audacity to flaunt her choice on social media.

In response, you basically sent your daughter to sulk in her room and then called Carrie and told her to stop inviting your daughter to her home. Carrie decided to defy you, and then she decided to rub your nose in it.

Note this: You are in charge of you, with responsibility only for your own relationships. Your wife is in charge of herself, her patients and her friendships.

If Carrie puts you down, you should respond proportionally to defend yourself, and then avoid her. If your wife wants to maintain a friendship with this toxic person, she runs the risk of bearing the consequences of that choice down the line.

Be supportive

Dear Amy: We have a relative in their mid-20s who is expected to reveal very soon to family and friends that they have transitioned genders. What is the appropriate thing to say?

We support our relative, and want to continue a positive relationship. Also, our family member does not realize that some of us already know about this transition. We learned about it because their mother, our sibling, has been in need of her own support through this period.

How can we help our family members?

Amy says: I think the best way to help your family member is to greet them warmly, make eye contact and actually express — out loud — a version of this: "We want you to know that we love you, we're happy for you and we hope that you will let us know if there are ways we can support you as you continue your journey."

You also could respond to this family member's transition by supporting other transgender people through advocacy groups.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.