Ask Amy: One affair just leads to another

Dear Amy: After six years of marriage to our 33-year-old daughter "Karen," our son-in-law decided that he was in love with the woman with whom he'd been having an affair for three years.

Last summer Karen filed for divorce and moved back home. She was devastated, and so were her father and I.

We did our best to counsel her and get her back on her feet. Karen has had many days of insecurity, anger, grief and sadness. Thankfully they had no children.

The problem? For several months, Karen has been dating a married man! We are beside ourselves with disappointment.

Her father is outraged. He feels that Karen is no better than her former husband. He has condemned Karen's actions, telling her that she is morally wrong — I don't disagree — and that the man she is with is a lying, cheating lowlife.

Now this man and his wife have announced that they are expecting a baby.

Karen claims that they have something special. He is still in his marriage, and yet Karen defends him.

How do we cope?

Amy says: The way for you to cope is to buck up and realize that you did not raise a saint.

She seems to have leapt headlong from one mess into another. Your daughter has been hurt, and she is now consciously hurting someone else.

You don't know why she is doing this. I don't know why she is doing this. I think it's possible that she also doesn't quite know why she has made this choice.

If your daughter still lives with you, it would be best for her to move out. If she is not in your household, you won't be quite so tempted to monitor and react to her behavior.

Convey to her: "You know how we feel about your decisions, which we believe are setting you back. We hope that you will choose to behave ethically. But we also understand that this is your life, and the consequences will be yours to bear."

Dear Amy: I have a young relative I really adore, whose pursuits I have always wholeheartedly supported.

Several months ago, she was offered a truly once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to take a job overseas. This appointment could last for several years.

I encouraged her to jump at this chance. She has a cat that she needed to rehome, and I somewhat reluctantly offered to take the cat.

To put it simply — this is not working out. At all. I am unhappy, and so is the cat. I live in an apartment and am out all day at my job. The cat often seems extremely restless and almost frantic, and is quite destructive. Previously the cat had lived on a large property with outdoor opportunities.

Amy says: You should be honest with your family member, outlining everything you have mentioned here. Tell her that for the cat's sake, you believe that she needs to be rehomed, and let her know that you will do your utmost to find the best possible situation for the cat.

In the meantime, work with a vet to see if there are techniques you can try to ease the animal's anxiety.