Ask Amy: Poker cheater is a very bad deal

Dear Amy: My sister's husband was a county commissioner for four years. His reputation is that of an upright and solid citizen.

Until recently, he was a member of a weekly poker group that my husband is familiar with. My husband was informed by another member of the group that my brother-in-law was banned from the group after being caught stealing chips.

Should I say anything about this to my sister, who might or might not already know?

Amy says: Having no details about this poker group or the exact events that took place, I only can offer the observation that stealing chips from other players is basically the same as stealing money from them.

Banning someone from the group for that is certainly is something the group has the right to do.

However, given the fact that this story was passed from a friend to your husband to you, if you decided to pass this along to your sister, it would be a fourth-hand story with many unanswered questions attached to it.

If you feel strongly that your sister should be told about this, you should ask your husband to tell her. He is at least one step closer to the source.

The essential question to ponder would be your brother-in-law's motivation. If he needs money so badly that he is willing to steal from friends, this could reveal serious personal issues that would have an impact on your sister.

Dear Amy: My wife and I, married for more than 48 years, have raised two wonderful children.

Our son, 39 and unmarried, is unlikely to ever have children. Our married daughter is 34. Her and her husband's intentions are unknown to us.

We struggled to get pregnant in the 1980s, and one thing we both regret is not sharing that struggle with our parents. They did not press us about when they might become grandparents, but as we enter our 70s, we better understand how it might have been kinder to inform them what was happening.

We have not asked our children their plans, and we don't intend to.

I'm not really asking what to do here. This is more for those young people who might know what their intentions are but haven't told their parents. I imagine most parents would be like us, loving their kids no matter what the decision.

Amy says: Your family maintains strict and discrete boundaries around this deeply personal issue. I respect your choice, but wonder if you have shared any details about your own experience with infertility — at least with your daughter.

Letting her know might make a difference regarding her own health care.

Try: "We struggled with fertility issues before you and your brother were born. We never discussed it with our folks, but we wish we had. We're not bugging you for grandkids — but if you want to discuss anything with us, we hope you'll feel comfortable enough to bring it up."

Dear Amy: In response to a letter writer who was trying to cope with her husband's hoarding, I spent an entire year cleaning up my partner's hoarding stash after he died.

My partner used to say he wanted to rent storage units. In hindsight, I wish I had encouraged him to do that.

I have heard that hoarders often are dealing with some kind of loss. I wish I had been able to help him with that, too.

Amy says: Thank you for your compassionate response. However, it is important to note that many hoarders also outgrow their storage units.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.