Dear Amy: My mother-in-law is causing a rift in the family that's hurting my husband.
We haven't been married long, and his divorce was a contentious one. His ex managed to delay every step of the divorce and went after everything she could, including the house, which he ended up leaving to her just to bring the proceedings to an end.
My husband cried when he told his parents years ago how unhappy he was in the marriage, and his mother's response was only, "How will this affect the grandchildren?"
While they were divorcing, she took the grand "children" (they're twins in their early 20s) and their mother to Disney World. Most recently, she took her grandchildren out to dinner on their birthday with — you guessed it — the ex, and not her son/us.
My MIL claims she's afraid the ex will cut her and her husband off from their grandchildren, but this has been very hurtful to my husband. He feels like he doesn't have his own parents' support. (His father is passive and lets his wife do whatever she wants.)
Please advise us on what we can do.
Amy says: The way you describe this situation, your husband's ex is the gatekeeper, controlling access to his grown children — or at least, your mother-in-law perceives it that way.
Although her ongoing contact with your husband's ex makes you uncomfortable, you can't insist that it stop. You have no say in how she chooses to conduct this relationship.