Ask Amy: Retired wife feels trapped in small town

Dear Amy: I am 64 and retired. My husband is 62 and has his own home-based business. He said he was going to retire, but now he's saying he will work part time so that we will have extra money "to play."

We moved to an extremely small town, which has very few entertainment opportunities. Most of the women grew up with their friends, and are not welcoming. Not that I have any desire to trek over to someone else's house. There is snow on the ground six months of the year, and I have physical problems that make it difficult and risky for me to walk in snow.

My husband is happy here. He has friends through his work and doesn't really care about spending time with people. He's an outdoor guy. All I do is watch TV with him or wait for him to not be working.

I want to move to a place where I have more options for friendship and entertainment, but he refuses to move. He doesn't like to travel, and I am afraid the rest of my life will be spent feeling trapped and alone.

He rejects the idea of looking for another place, and becomes angry when I bring it up. What should I do now?

Amy says: Your husband's "play fund" seems to apply only to him. There isn't much play in your life. You are unhappy. You are cold. Your health is at risk. You have not adjusted to life in this place.

Joining book groups, volunteering at the library or getting a part-time job would help to keep you engaged and active. Do you have friends or family members living in more congenial locales? If so, you could look into places to stay for at least the worst of the winter. You might be able to rent or share a room in an affordable area.

My overall point is that perhaps you should not look to your husband for solutions.

Dear Amy: Some longtime friends who hadn't seen each other for years recently got together to reconnect. While at a restaurant for lunch, one friend discreetly picked up the tab. Upon finding out the bill was taken care of, "Alice" vocally refused this kind gesture and asked the waitress, "Can you reverse the payment?"

I quietly said, "Alice, just say thank you. It's the graceful thing to do." Alice got upset and loudly questioned: "Did you just tell me what to do?" — drawing the attention of the rest of our table.

She made a face at me and turned to the waitress, saying, "Don't you just hate it when other people tell you what to do?" The waitress stood there awkwardly. I said nothing, but it rattled me.

I want to follow up with Alice and sort this out, but my sister, husband and another friend who was there all have advised me to just let it be. Unfortunately, I'm still dwelling on it.

Did I behave inappropriately? Should I have said nothing and let it play out between Alice, the friend who paid the bill and the waitress? How might I better handle this type of situation, should it happen again?

Amy says: You did nothing wrong. You offered a friend your gentle feedback (I agree with you, by the way), and she aggressively and publicly shut you down.

I'm not sure why you would want to contact Alice to sort this out, other than to ask for an apology for her harshness, which you likely would not receive.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.