Dear Amy: I have two daughters and a son. All are adults. I am divorced from their father and am still single 17 years after the divorce.
My girls both remain in my life. The younger daughter, "Chloe," is always there for me "Nancy," the elder, is like a cat — she only makes time and effort for me if it's on her terms and she is in the right mood, which is not very often.
My son, "Bradley" however, completely avoids me. He never answers his phone if I call. He doesn't respond to contact from myself, his father or Nancy, but he sometimes relates with Chloe.
Now that I'm over 60 and have battled cancer, I'm feeling my mortality and starting to think about things like making a will. I'm of simple means, so there won't be a huge estate, but there will be a few thousand dollars in a 401K account and some life insurance funds.
My dilemma is: Should I leave Bradley out of the will? It seems the sad, sobering thing to do, but it would be based on how he has treated me. Then I could leave one-third to Nancy because she is lukewarm toward me and give two-thirds to the supportive Chloe.
I suspect that if I do an even three-way split, the girls, especially Chloe, will feel resentful that their "deadbeat brother" got anything at all. What do you think?
Amy says: Estate planning can be a complicated business, because it inspires some people to essentially reward or punish after death, when neither you nor they can do anything further.
There is no "right" answer to this question, but in my opinion, you should leave an equal amount to all three children who came into the world loved equally by you.
