Dear Amy: My wife and I always have been social drinkers. Get-togethers at weddings, holidays, concerts, sporting events, etc., have featured alcohol.
While I can have a couple of drinks and stop, when it comes to my wife — not so much. And while sometimes stupidly funny when we were younger, the results have become frequently embarrassing as we've aged.
One night when she went way over the edge, I filmed her. The next day, I sent the video to her, and told her that I no longer wished to be a part of that lifestyle.
I dumped all the alcohol in the house, and neither of us has had a drink since. I hardly miss it. She had no trouble quitting, either, but mentally it has been very challenging for her.
Alcohol was her social lubricant. It is what allowed her to get past her social anxiety and self-esteem issues. Now she either doesn't attend events at all, or sometimes we leave early because she is so unhappy.
How do I get her to see that she can still enjoy these events without using alcohol as a crutch?
Amy says: Your wife has not dealt with the underlying reasons she used alcohol in the first place. In recovery circles, her challenge might be called "dry drunk syndrome." Her crutch is gone, and now she is limping along, trying to function without it.
Even though your wife gave up drinking quickly, prompted by the videotaped shame of seeing what alcohol abuse was doing to her (and propped up by your subsequent sober support), she still would benefit from seeing an addiction specialist, therapist and/or by attending meetings with others in recovery.
