Dear Amy: My husband, "Don," battled substance abuse and addictions, major depression, anxiety and severe sleep apnea. Don and I also had relationship issues.
In April, I learned that he had once again stolen my prescribed pain medication. I became angry with him, said harsh words and asked him to pack his belongings and leave.
Instead, he shot himself.
This is all still quite fresh to me. I am often asked, "How did your husband pass away?" I find that an incredibly intrusive question, even if he hadn't died from suicide.
I'd like your advice on how best to respond to those questions.
Amy says: As a public service announcement, I'm going to remind people not to inquire about a person's cause of death. In my (sadly extensive) experience, grieving survivors will often volunteer this information on their own after condolences are offered and they are feeling more comfortable. If this information isn't offered, don't ask.
In response to this question, you can say a version of: "I'm not ready to talk about it."
My nephew died by suicide at age 17, several years ago. It would take volumes for me to pour out my own sense of loss and sadness. Many days I simply feel robbed of the opportunity to continue to know my nephew, who will now always remain his teenage self in my memory.
