Ask Amy: Teen daughter is plagued by doubts

Dear Amy: I have a daughter in high school. She is gorgeous, popular, does well in school, and excels at soccer.

It is hard for her mother and me to understand why she seems to have low self-esteem. She is very hard on herself and sometimes seems consumed by doubt.

We're interested in any recommendations you might have.

Amy says: Being beautiful, popular, smart and high-achieving does not inoculate anyone against depression, anxiety, a mood disorder or crushing doubt.

A person's brain runs independently from all of these external blessings. And your high-achieving and perfectionist teen is vulnerable.

I recently watched a documentary featuring top ranked Spanish tennis player Paula Badosa, who has been open about her mental health struggles. During a particularly tough tournament, the documentary shows her meeting with her coach and talking about her mental state, when he says something extraordinary: "When you feel this way, you need to stop and walk away."

Basically, he was giving her permission and encouragement to put her mental health first. Surely this is extremely hard for a tough competitor to do.

You should urge your daughter toward an evaluation, therapy and mental health coaching so that she can reveal her struggles, learn coping strategies and perhaps consider walking away from activities that burden her the most.

Dear Amy: My 13-year-old daughter, "Annie," did a cat sitting job for a neighbor. On the last day, Annie sent a text to the cat's owner saying thanks for letting her pet sit and that she enjoyed it. We never heard anything back.

Five days later, I sent a text saying thanks for letting Annie pet sit and asking politely when she would get paid. This was on the fifth day of the month.

Cat Owner said, "I'll pay you on the 10th as I prefer to pay in cash and give feedback in person, is that OK? Or I could do Venmo, but only if you need that." I agreed to the payment on the 10th.

On the 10th Cat Owner texted saying, "I am too exhausted and have no cash, so can't do payment today. Can we do another day? Or if you urgently need money, I can do Venmo but prefer not to."

I responded, "Sure, we can do another day. Which day is good?" There was no response to this.

On the 14th, I texted, "Checking in on that payment for Annie. Can we just do the Venmo? I'll send my details now."

The next morning, she responded with a nasty gram about how she doesn't need me reminding her, she is very busy with houseguests, she hasn't had time yet to go to the bank, she always pays her bills, she has gifts for us, she has never used Venmo but now had to create an account, and all because I must urgently need money etc. It went on and on.

She did Venmo the money, however.

I never responded to her last message. Should I address this in person when I run into her?

Did I do something wrong here? How long does a teenage pet sitter usually wait to get paid?

Amy says: You've done nothing wrong. A pet sitter — like a child sitter — should be paid promptly at the end of the gig, unless there is another arrangement.

Reliable pet sitters are worth their weight in Friskies. Your neighbor has lost what sounds like could have been a reliable cat sitter. There is no need to continue to follow up with her (in person or otherwise), because the matter is now settled.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.