Ask Amy: Two's company, more's a problem

Dear Amy: I have a close friend I have met in various locations for vacations. The last three times, she has brought a friend or family member along (at her expense) without telling me in advance.

One friend was a very high-maintenance stranger (to me) who now shows up on all of my photos from our vacation to Yosemite. Her presence totally affected the dynamic. Another time, she invited her adult son along, again without telling me.

My adult children, who are spread out all over the country, do this, too, when I make short trips (a couple of days) to visit them. They invite other family members or friends over during my visits.

I appreciate the desire to be one big, happy group, but I would like to have some alone time with them. It would be great if they would have enough consideration to at least ask if I would mind.

I would never do such a thing without at least talking to the person first before inviting people over.

Going forward, before booking, should I ask, "Who else is going to be there?"

Amy says: You should definitely express your concern to the friend who invites others along on your shared vacations without running her plans past you first. When you've budgeted the time and money for a specific vacation with a specific person, learning after the fact that you will be sharing your time with others is not at all fair to you.

When it comes to your visits with your children, they might believe that you would welcome having mini-reunions with other family members or local friends when you're visiting their homes. This instinct is generous and inclusive.

If you want more alone-time with them and their immediate families during your visits, you should absolutely let them know.

Dear Amy: Given that wedding season is coming up, I thought I would offer a tip that might help wedding guests, as well as the marrying couple.

If you are taking a gift that has even the smallest of possibilities of landing on a "group gift table," always — ALWAYS — include a card inside the gift.

After a wedding in our family, I cannot tell you how many gifts were found on the table after the event that had no cards because they had become unattached and were just set in a pile.

For those gifts that had no cards attached, we sent a generic card thanking the person for attending our joyous event and explained that many cards had become detached. We asked our guests to contact us so we could make sure their gift was properly acknowledged.

We eventually ended up matching all of the gifts to the guests who had given them, but it would have been so much easier if the cards had been placed inside the gift.

Amy says: This is great advice. Thank you.

Dear Amy: As the manager of a food pantry, I have a message to all the well-intentioned individuals planning on a food drive to support the local food pantry: Before your organization starts a food drive, please contact the pantry and speak with the manager or check their website for a list of most-needed items.

In my experience, much of the product donated at these food drives are a result of people emptying their kitchen pantries of items that are expired, oddball purchases or even half used.

We are grateful for the good intentions, but wish people took more care with their donations.

Amy says: Thank you for the work you do, and for this very helpful advice.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.