Ask Amy: Vaping leaves neighbors gaping

Dear Amy: For over 15 years, we have lived next door to wonderful neighbors. We're great friends with the parents and have been blessed to watch their three kids grow up.

We count all five of them as family. All of their children, now teenagers, are good kids and good students. But we have noticed that one of the teens had started vaping. We strongly suspect that the parents are unaware.

Our houses are close enough that we can see this young person vaping most evenings after dinner in an upstairs bathroom. This kid turns the lights on in the bathroom, opens a window, vapes and blows the smoke out. With it getting dark early in the winter, this is more evident than ever.

We know from personal experience what smoking can lead to, and we know that today's flavored vaping products are designed to attract kids. We also know that both parents are 100% anti-smoking.

We're torn as to whether we should tell the parents about this, thereby ratting on this young person (who trusts and respects us) or ask this kid to pull the shade down (in which case the kid will know we know what's going on, which might inspire them to quit).

Our own adult children (in their 30s), were home over Thanksgiving and reported that they noticed this teen vaping. The teen reveres one of our children, and we wondered if they should talk to the teen, but ultimately didn't do so.

What do you think we should do?

Amy says: Surely you are not so removed from your own experience (when your kids were teens) that you've forgotten how important "the village" was to raising them?

Parents — especially close friends and neighbors — rely on one another to monitor the kids. Underage drinking, sneaking out to a party, cutting school (been there, parented through all of that) all are examples of teen behavior that warrant a thoughtful, nonjudgmental, parent-to-parent report.

Talking directly to the teen would force the vaping into the basement or the other side of the house, the parents would never learn about it, the teen would continue to vape and likely would also avoid you for the next decade or so.

Tell the parents, one time, and let them decide what to do. Even if they respond defensively to you, this is something they should know about.

Dear Amy: Our community workout center provides showers and locker rooms for our swimming pool. We have a small family locker area, but most youngsters come into either the men's or women's locker areas.

One woman insists on walking naked around the shower area and the locker area. She even stands naked in front of the mirror as she dries her hair.

Some of the members of our exercise classes have stopped using the locker room so they don't encounter this free spirit. Is there a way to politely get her to cover up?

Amy says: You could check with the management of your facility to see if they offer any guidelines or restrictions regarding nudity in the locker rooms (most likely, they do not).

If parents don't want their children to be exposed to adult nudity (understandable), they should use the family locker room.

You could try approaching this woman and asking, "Would you mind wearing a towel when children are here?" — but be prepared for her to refuse.

One issue all locker room users should be aware of is the possibility that anyone could be surreptitiously filmed while changing (or not changing).

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.