Dear Eric: Our youngest brother has made some poor decisions in his life, and he knows it. He is now a recovering addict but also has serious health concerns in his early 50s.
He finds himself on the verge of homelessness, in the early stages of some kind of severe illness, he’s unable to work and wants to move back home with our 92-year-old mother, who has her own health concerns.
My siblings are having a hard time reconciling with him. If he does move back home, we want to set up clear guidelines for his transition to other accommodations and support before he arrives. He recently visited Mom, and she had a hard time dealing with him for the three days he was there.
He receives some form of disability support, but he cannot afford his own apartment. We also have concerns he will pawn Mom’s things. He’s done that in the past.
We plan to have a family meeting to settle some difficulties, but what would you recommend?
Eric says: The first priority should be making sure that your mother has the care she needs, and that includes protecting her from elder abuse. Before your family meeting, consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law to understand what things you can look out for and your legal options for protecting and supporting your mother.
It goes without saying, I think, but I’ll say it anyway: your brother’s plan is not a good one for anyone involved, you included. The focus of the family meeting, then, should be about exploring other options for him.
As a group, you might look into what other forms of support might be available to him, both residentially and medically. Is it feasible for the siblings to supplement his rent — ideally, directly to the landlord so that it’s not misappropriated?
