Ask Eric: Coworker’s outfits causing stress

Dear Eric: A woman who works for me dresses in a provocative fashion. We work in a formal professional setting. She wore a black lace dress with cleavage on a Monday, and I blurted out, “Boy, you’re dressed up for a Monday!” Her response was that she had a date that night.

I get complaints from coworkers that her flesh-baring outfits are distracting and unprofessional. I contacted HR, and their response was for me to handle it. I know we’re not supposed to comment on coworkers’ appearances, so what can I do?

Eric says: Ask your HR department for clarification about what they mean when they say you should handle it. What does handling it look like? Is there a dress code that you can cite? And, most importantly, by engaging with your coworker about her attire, could you potentially create liability issues for yourself or the company?

Unless your company has an applicable policy that HR can point you toward, you’d do best to focus your feedback on her job performance. If other coworkers have an issue with her style of dress, direct them to HR. Your coworkers may feel that her style of dress creates a hostile work environment. HR needs this feedback to help create or clarify applicable policies.

Document any guidance you receive from HR before taking action to protect yourself and your employee.

Dear Eric: I have been in a second marriage for 15 years. For the past few years, I have been concerned that my husband’s story about his first wife may be untrue. This is strongly affecting my feelings about him and his adult daughter. How can I put my negative suspicions at rest? Should I contact the first wife?

Eric says: It’s possible this is a chicken-and-egg situation, as in you may have doubts because of the story or you may be thinking about the story because of doubts that already existed in other areas.

Next, talk about your questions and concerns with a friend or other loved one. It will be helpful to get another perspective. Even if they don’t have insight into your husband’s story, they can help you navigate the mental and emotional stress.

After that, the best course of action might be to talk it through with your husband. This, of course, is dependent on the nature of the story. I don’t like being so vague, but there are many unknowns here. What’s most important is that you keep yourself safe.

Dear Eric: I’d like to respond to the reader who wanted to know how to handle her brother-in-law constantly asking for her share of the inheritance left to her by her father. What she should do is tell him that she agrees with him that it was not fair that she and her husband received as much as the less-wealthy sisters. In that light, she has donated the entire sum she received to her dad’s favorite charity. And then thank him for helping her realize the best use of the money that he felt she didn’t need or deserve. That may quiet him down.

Eric says: This gave me a good chuckle. It’s a creative solution that may not stop his ire but certainly will put the money to better use. (And I hope the letter writer does consider spreading some goodness around via donation to worthy causes.)