Ask Eric: Disorder may give wrong idea

Dear Eric: I am a young adult with a movement disorder that causes uncontrollable, violent, jerky, muscle movements, called dyskinesias, in nearly every part of my body. These dyskinesias resemble the effects of illicit substances and can make people who don’t know me very uncomfortable. How would you suggest I address this with people I interact with in passing (i.e., rideshare drivers, restaurant staff, home repair men) so they don’t feel unsafe around me?

Eric says: While you’re under no obligation to disclose any information about your health to anyone and should be treated with respect no matter how you present, I understand the desire to make casual interactions more seamless.

Being direct and giving context may be the best path for interactions with rideshare drivers, servers and the like. “I just want to let you know, I have a movement disorder and so I may move uncontrollably. Thanks for understanding.” If there’s something you’d like for them to do to make the interaction easier, this is a good time to tell them, even if it’s just giving you more time or space.

Dear Eric: In a three-month span last year, my family lost my brother, sister and an aunt. All of them have a birthday in February. Do you have any suggestions on how to get through the month without being overwhelmed with sadness?

Eric says: Because this is the first February without those loved ones, you’re going to feel a range of emotions. Try to be gentle with yourself, acknowledging “this is the way I’m feeling today/right now.” Some days you might feel the need to share how you’re feeling with someone else; other days you might just want to care for yourself. There’s no right or wrong way to do it.

Think about ways that you can commemorate the birthdays, ways that are meaningful and healing to you. That may mean doing something that reminds you of your brother, sister or aunt. That also might mean gathering with others to share memories. It could look like taking a walk in nature alone or with another person and being present with yourself and your emotions. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to make it special or to commemorate the right way. It will be enough, no matter what.

And if a birthday goes by and you think of another way to commemorate it, it’s not too late. There’s no time limit on any of this.

Dear Eric: I am a male and have been married and divorced twice. My first wife and I had two kids. My second wife had four kids from a previous marriage. I am still friends with everyone. My question is: what do I call my ex-step kids, step-nieces/nephews, etc.? I hate the word “ex.”

Eric says: If it’s just the word you don’t like, how does “former” feel? However, depending on the context, I wonder if you have to worry about calling them anything at all besides their names.

But if you’re concerned with how to think of them, try forgoing official titles and simply think of them as your loved ones, which is what it sounds like they are.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.