Ask Eric: Toxic guest ruins charity event

Dear Eric: Recently, I hosted an event to raise funds for children with disabilities. One of my guests acted very rudely toward the chef and waitresses. I filed a complaint against this person, there was an investigation, but the results were that my complaints were not substantiated, so no action was taken against this person.

I feel terrible for the people this person offended, and I feel terrible about the results. I have been in this organization for more than 20 years and have attained many honorable positions.

In the future, I will have to continue seeing this person and, for me, it will be very uncomfortable. My instincts tell me to quit, yet, on another level, I want to stay because there is more I can accomplish. But I can’t see myself being around this toxic person ever again. Your thoughts would be appreciated

Eric says: If you feel that the organization didn’t take your complaint seriously and is, therefore, enabling a toxic environment, it may be better to take your skills elsewhere.

If, however, your primary concern is running into this person again, I’d say wait and see if you can keep doing the work you do without having to work with him.

It’s frustrating that, in trying to raise money for charitable organizations, you’re encountering such bad behavior. But I presume you’ve put so much time and effort into this organization because of the end result. If you’re still able to get the funds raised — while, perhaps, cautioning future caterers to avoid him — it may be worth the effort.

Dear Eric: I am very allergic to dogs. Plus, I have been bitten numerous times throughout my life, so I am quite wary of dogs.

Here in Colorado, dogs are increasingly taken everywhere, even places they are not allowed. I don’t want to go into a restaurant and eat with “service animals” that appear to just be pets. I’ve ceased going to shopping centers, recreation centers, home improvement stores, restaurant patios, riding on public transportation and, of course, homes with pets.

I would like to go to a restaurant without dogs wandering around and would like to go to the grocery store without seeing dogs riding in shopping carts.

What am I to do? Stay home and listen to the neighborhood dogs bark?

Eric says: One solution is to call ahead to a restaurant and ask that no parties with service animals be seated near to you.

I’m concerned, however, that your aversion to dogs is impeding on your quality of life. While your negative experiences with dogs in the past are valid, it’s not reasonable to expect the world to change.

So, what can you do? Ask your allergist if there are ways to mitigate the impact of potential exposure. And talking to a counselor can help to heal some of the trauma you’ve experienced from the dog bites.

You may not get to a place of welcoming dogs, but you should be able to reach a place where you can coexist.

Dear Eric: I really appreciated your advice that complimenting people on their physical appearance in the workplace is not a good idea.

Please extend that to “everywhere.” I am the mother of a daughter who is 6-foot-3. Friends, family and complete strangers feel like it is OK to comment on her height.

Even if the intent is to compliment, what she hears is, “You are not normal.” The rule should be, never comment on somebody’s body in any setting, especially things they can’t change.

Eric says: Hear, hear. At a loss for conversation, we often revert to what we can see, without checking to make sure that our observations are welcome or will be received in the spirit given.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.