Asking Eric: Cough causes social anxiety

Dear Eric: I am in my 70s, and for the last couple of decades, I have had occasional coughing fits that are triggered by talking too long and/or too loudly. When these fits happen, I literally can’t talk or stop coughing for several minutes. I’ve been to several doctors but have not been able to get a clear diagnosis or effective treatment.

My family and close friends understand the problem, but it’s still embarrassing, especially when it happens with people I don’t know well or in a public setting.

When I am talking to others, should I warn them at the beginning of the conversation that I might start coughing and have to interrupt the conversation, either by hanging up the phone or walking away until the fit ends? If so, how should I explain it? I don’t want to give them my medical history, and I don’t want them to think that I’m sick or contagious.

Eric says: I’m sorry that your body is doing something that’s causing you social anxiety. I understand how having a prolonged cough can invite questions, comments or other unwelcome reactions, especially in a world still dealing with the impact of the pandemic.

For your peace of mind, try telling people, “Just so you know, I have a condition that causes me to cough sometimes. It’s not contagious or a cause for concern, but I don’t want you to think I’m rude if I have to leave abruptly. Thanks for understanding!”

Think of it not as an apology, but rather as information that will help them make the conversation a more-welcoming, less-tense experience for you.

Dear Eric: A young neighbor couple confided in me that their young daughters told them that an out-of-town uncle visiting recently had exposed himself to them. These parents are beyond stunned, are unsure how to proceed and asked me for my perspective.

They are concerned that they are required to inform child protective services and/or the police. However, this is a much-loved uncle, and they don’t want to destroy his career and family. This is creating ongoing family strife. What is your advice?

Eric says: Report it. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to take action now to protect these children and other children the uncle may come in contact with. You can get information on where to report on the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network’s (RAINN) state law database. RAINN also has steps that will help parents as they go through this emotionally fraught process.

It might be difficult for the parents to think about this beloved family member suffering consequences of his actions, but it’s their job is to listen to and protect their children.

Tell the parents to resist any feedback that scolds them for “destroying the uncle’s career” or making this more than a “family issue.” The uncle did that on his own.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.