Asking Eric: Grandkids kept away from dentist

Dear Eric: My grandchildren, ages 10 and 14, have not been to a dentist since long before the pandemic. I have brought up the subject with their mother, and she agrees they need to see a dentist, but it has not happened.

I have an excellent relationship with my daughter and try not to interfere in her parenting. I have offered to take the kids to the dentist, but she has declined.

Should I just stay silent and let the children suffer the consequences?

Eric says: Make one last direct ask to your daughter, and then let it be. Tell her that you have major concerns and ask if there’s something getting in the way that you can help her with.

The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry recommends a checkup every six months. They also note that a child’s dentist can tailor the frequency of visits based on a child’s specific needs. Your daughter can’t know what those needs are without seeing a professional.

Take advantage of your excellent relationship by prying and pushing a little more, but if she resists, tell her you’re going to drop the subject. Then really do drop the subject.

Dear Eric: I’m in my early 20s and just ended a five-year relationship with my boyfriend. I’m conflicted about whether to move back to the state I grew up in or stay where I am.

I work remotely for a company in my old city, so I’d be able to work in person after moving back. All my close friends and family are back there. The only reason I moved to where I am now is because of my ex, but there’s something holding me back from leaving.

Part of it is that this place is on the coast. I love the water and how green it is. The lifestyle, while more expensive than back home, really agrees with me.

I’ve also worked hard over the time I’ve been here to build a life for myself. I’m actively involved in the local community and have some new friends, but I really long for my old friends and family, too. Do you have any advice on how to decide between two places?

Eric says: I’ve felt the push-pull of deciding between a place of origin and a new home.

Go back home and visit. Really pay attention to what it would feel like to be a new person in this welcoming old space. You may find that you’ve outgrown your original home and the longing you feel is just nostalgia. But for now, listen to the longing and see what’s underneath.

Dear Eric: I’m a boomer working in an office. When new people are hired, they often are from different backgrounds with names I’ve never encountered. When introduced, I don’t know the name or can’t remember how it’s pronounced.

As a first-generation immigrant, my last name also is different. Whenever I meet people for the first time, I slowly pronounce it, spell it out and pronounce it again.

Why do people assume others will understand their unusual names and not make any attempt to clarify them further? Any suggestions on how to politely ask them to do something similar to what I try to do?

Eric says: People’s so-called unusual names are often not so unusual to them. And who’s to say what any given person is familiar with?

When you don’t understand a person’s last name, ask them to help you. “I want to make sure I get your name right; can you spell it for me?”

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.