Asking Eric: Parents are prying into finances

Dear Eric: I’m 26 and have been living on my own for two years. I ran into some financial difficulties and had to get some money from my grandpa and parents.

Now I’ve gotten to the point where I can pay for all my bills and groceries if I budget, but my parents and grandpa are constantly asking about how I’m doing financially. I know they’re worried about me, but I feel like my finances and purchases are none of their business.

It’s gotten to the point where I dread seeing them because I know they’re going to talk to me like a child. If I needed help, I would tell them, but their constant badgering is making me feel anxious about our next interactions.

Am I being overdramatic, or are they overstepping?

Eric says: Your parents and grandparents are learning, perhaps not quickly enough, that you’re an independent person capable of managing your own finances. They’re also trying to show concern for you. Grant them a little grace as they learn a new way of expressing their love.

Find a moment when things feel neutral and bring up the ways they communicate with you about your finances. Say, “I want you to know I’ve been working hard to put myself in a good financial position. Sometimes when you ask about my finances, I feel critiqued. Can we try talking about money in another way?”

And then propose new ways. Do you want to get advice about your budget but not have to justify your expenses? Say that. Do you want to put a moratorium on money talk? Say that.

They may say they’re just trying to help, but one of the keys to transitioning a parent-child relationship into adulthood is finding new ways of asking for and accepting help ― on both sides. You might not find a perfect balance right away. But keep trying.

Dear Eric: I live in a very social neighborhood that has fun events. We all strive to be good neighbors, hosts and guests, but I often find I’m on the outside of what seems to be appropriate.

Examples: A call goes out to volunteer at an appointed time. I show up at the announced time. The task has been mostly completed by those who show up early, and now I feel like a slacker.

A buffet-type dinner where you socialize until the announcement is made that it’s the time to eat. No one starts the buffet line. I’m hungry, so I take the initiative. People then line up behind me.

An long gathering where people have things to do in the morning. I get up and say, “Well, folks, I’m heading out.” Others immediately follow.

I take a beat before I do any of these things, hoping someone else will take the lead. But I feel that if I don’t, no one will. Am I being rude, or am I justified?

Eric says: In the mid-’80s murder mystery film “Clue,” Mrs. Peacock finds herself at a deathly boring party (that’s about to get a lot deathlier). Faced with awkward silence, she says, “Well, someone’s got to break the ice, and it might as well be me.”

Embrace your inner Mrs. Peacock. Ideally, everyone at a social gathering would feel empowered to say and do what makes them comfortable, but social mores and shyness often conspire under the guise of politeness. That’s where Mrs. Peacocks show their plumage.

Don’t let the perceived judgment of others hold you back. Chances are, they’ve gotten used to you being the person who gives them permission.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.