Dear Eric: We recently hosted the wedding of our daughter. The reception was described as “cocktails, dinner, and dancing,” and children were not included.
The dress was “Festive Cocktail Attire,” which was communicated via a save-the-date notice sent nine months before the wedding. The dress code also was mentioned in the material that accompanied the invitation, sent two months before the wedding.
It was a fabulous event, with one weird exception: My husband’s older sister, a woman of 76 years, arrived looking like she had just taken a walk on the beach, in white jeans, very casual sandals, and the sort of untucked shirt you might throw on to go grocery shopping.
Her husband followed our dress code, as did her daughter. This older sister was the topic of much speculation. Several of our daughters’ friends who had, of course, dressed up, asked if she had done it on purpose, as did a couple of my friends.
What do you think?
Eric says: I think your sister-in-law was dressing comfortably because “Festival Cocktail Attire” actually doesn’t mean anything anymore. Technically, it’s supposed to be a mix of cocktail and semi-formal with a little flair added to it, but even that is vague enough to be of little use.
I cannot tell you how many events I go to where the dress code is “Festive Cocktail Attire,” and people show up wearing whatever they want. There are too many words in the description. We’ve lost the plot.
I suspect that your sister-in-law lives a very different kind of life than you do So, for her, perhaps white jeans and a casual shirt was appropriate. It’s unlikely that she was doing this to send a message to you. Unless that message is “This is who I am; congratulations on your special day.”
