At what age should you should stop using contemporary slang?

There comes a point in your life when you should stop using contemporary slang, because it's def cringe lol.

If you had to look that up on the internet, you aren't alone. Nine out of 10 people have had to ask Google what a slang term like "on fleek" meant, according to a new slang survey by Preply.com. Ninety-eight percent of Gen Z uses slang, which makes me wonder about the remaining 2%. Probably insufferable hipsters who only use archival words handcrafted by artisan lexicographers.

According to the survey, 81% of baby boomers use slang, although only 5% use it in every conversation. This might be because in the late '60s, boomer slang was the worst. No one wants to hear "groovy" unless you're describing those roads that make your tires growl when you drift onto the shoulder. The only people who can say "far out" now are astronomers.

Almost nine in 10 people think slang is unprofessional. I think it depends on the context. If your brain surgeon entered the room and said, "It's time to rock the clot, fam; you might want a second opinion," you wouldn't mind. Or understand.

I like old slang — I think it's keen, boffo, copacetic, and if it's not the bee's knees, it's the beetle's feelers, or whatever they said in the '20s as they sipped from hip flasks and danced the Charleston on a flagpole.

It's modern slang that often grates on my ears, as can be expected: It's the same get-off-my-lawn attitude that makes modern bass-heavy music sound like someone's flatulating in timpani.

But some of the new words are good. The most popular slang terms, according to the survey, are "ghosted" — that's when you ignore someone on social media — and "salty," which describes the emotional state of being ignored on social media. In the 19th century people probably said they were being ectoplasmed because their telegrams went unanswered, and it made them feel briny.

You ought to be able to figure out slang from context. Let me make up an example: If someone says "that guy's a total hoop-doodle," it's obviously derisive.

The survey also notes that older people are less likely to use new slang, and that's wise. Little known fact: If you are middle-aged and attempt modern slang around your kids' friends, they can legally sue for emancipation. (There's an app for that, as we used to say.) But the kids still have to go to court, and they might get an unsympathetic judge.

"All right, young lady, you want to dissolve all legal ties between yourself and your father. Can you tell me why?"

"He was driving us all to soccer practice and said that my uniform was off the fleek."

(Gasps of outrage from teens in court; judge gavels for silence.)

"Well? Was your uniform, in fact, off the fleek?"

"Your honor, there's no such thing. It's 'on fleek.' That's all."

"Fleekosity is not a binary state. Your father could have been making a sarcastic reference to the paucity of your generation's slang, a metacritical comment on its insubstantiality. Petition for emancipation denied."

To which the dad says, "Awesome, judge! Radical!"

Finally: If there's one word that should be slang, it's slang. Something's cool and breezy and untroubled by conventions? Man, that's so slang. Let's make this the trending slang word for 2023!

I know, I know. A total hoop-doodle move.