Bachmann's 'adorable' son is cool to heat from Playgirl

Nothing's wrong with Lucas Bachmann's head.

Playgirl magazine is hot for the son of U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann, possible presidential candidate, but the heat is not getting returned. PopEater.com reports that Lucas is not about to follow in the clothes-strewn footsteps of that other political scion, Levi Johnston, father of Gov. Sarah Palin's grandson.

PopEater said that Daniel Nardicio, veep of marketing for Playgirl and party promoter for NYC, according to his Twitter account, contacted Lucas via Facebook after being "struck by how absolutely adorable he is. Plus, I think his political ties make him even sexier."

According to PopEater, the late-20something replied: "As you can certainly understand, one must have a certain degree of anonymity when treating patients in the mental health community."

PopEater described Lucas as a resident in psychiatry. "Lucas is a doctor at the University of Connecticut. No other comment," Doug Sachtleben, the congresswoman's communications guy, wrote via e-mail Wednesday.

I've got a hypothetical for Dr. Bachmann. While I've never done this, despite my job description, let's say I have a friend who has hidden in bushes to observe people at a rally. Is it time for this person to, you know, see somebody?

Chaska boy goes all Hollywood

No, the reality TV star hasn't dunked her NBA boyfriend, the pride of Chaska, Kris Humphries.

The basketball player has hired a Los Angeles PR firm. Elizabeth Glenn, of Anderson Group, sent an e-mail that fell into my hands, replete with "untouched" photos and an OK! magazine cover of Kim and Kris. Her e-mail opened: "Would love for you to consider interviewing NBA star, philanthropist and entrepreneur Kris Humphries (aka Kim Kardashian's bf)..."

Glenn writes a very strange e-mail. She recaps Humphries' stats and then in the very next paragraph writes, "some may credit his lady-love for his unstoppable force and drive on the court," citing a Bleacherreport.com article about the "Kardashian Effect."

What self-respecting athlete wants a PR person crediting his girlfriend for his success?

Then the e-mail attempts to glorify Humphries' athletic prowess by reaching all the way back to his childhood and reminding us: "He was also considered the top swimmer in the nation when he was 10, beating out Olympian Michael Phelps."

Humphries had the best year of his seven-year career, so calling him an NBA star is fine.

Entrepreneur is cool, too. He and his dad, Will Humphries, own some 5 Guys Burger joints in the metro. Burgers made from beef are not usually considered healthy eating, but the e-mail claims the burger joint's menu is trans-fat-free and that nothing served there has ever been in a freezer.

But when "philanthropist" is apparently the second-most significant identity to the basketball player and/or his PR woman, that's rather laughable (although much preferable to aspiring to be a dogfighting world kingpin).

It's not news that Humphries takes nothing more seriously than he takes himself.

But philanthropist?

People who give big sums after coming from nothing, like Andrew Carnegie or Oseola McCarty (a woman who washed and ironed for a living, then left $150,000 for scholarships at the University of Southern Mississippi) -- now they're philanthropists!

Humphries is a basketball player. He's earned millions, is due to make millions more, and it's only proper that a percentage of his earnings go into a foundation, even one with his name on it, and that he do other charity work.

He's not a philanthropist yet.

Would have been fun to ask Hump how much he's actually given in time and money, but his PR woman couldn't get the philanthropist on my phone line.

Lofty e-mails like Glenn's make it a good bet that when Kris starts forking over millions to charity, it probably won't be done quietly.