Ask Amy: Pregnancy births support issues

Dear Amy: I am experiencing an unplanned pregnancy with a stable, loving and supportive partner.

We know that raising a child will be a challenge. We are in our late 30s, don't make a lot of money and live in a small apartment, but we know that all things are possible, and we choose to remain positive.

However, some of my friends are reacting in ways I didn't expect. Some of their responses seem rude at best, and anxiety-inducing at worst.

I am doing my best to be empathetic. I understand that everyone is justified in feeling a certain way about unplanned pregnancies.

Is there any advice you have about how to move past their reactions?

Amy says: Yes, people have a right to their own feelings. But when it comes to someone else's pregnancy, people should keep their opinions, concerns or misgivings to themselves.

When a woman announces her pregnancy, the response should be positive and supportive.

If someone responded to you in a way that was less than positive and supportive, then that person should get it together and connect with you again in order to listen, talk, commiserate (if it comes to that) and offer their support to you.

The empathy should flow from them to you; this is one situation where you shouldn't carry the burden of empathizing with them.

The way to move past these reactions is the same way you will experience this pregnancy: one day at a time. Every day brings new realizations, challenges, joys and excitement — where it is important to concentrate more on yourself and your household and less on the opinions of others.

Dear Amy: I'm going through some tough times. I've always been strong and independent, and I think I've also been a good friend.

I know my old friends care about me, but I need more right now, but I don't know how to ask for it. Do you have any suggestions?

Amy says: I'm publishing your question as a tribute to a friend of mine (we go way back), who recently reached out via group text with an update, followed by a statement saying that she could really use the support of her friends right now.

She immediately received it.

When I spoke with her, I thanked her for giving us the opportunity to pull together. I told her that her transparent "ask" was honoring our very long friendship.

Asking for help is giving people who care about you an opportunity to be of service.

To anyone who is hurting, please understand that asking for help is not only an act of bravery, but also an act that honors your relationships, by giving people who care about you a pathway to be helpful, and an opportunity to express their love and compassion.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.