Be still my heart problem: Minnesota sports can be hazardous to your health

When presented with this particular set of information, I leaned back in my chair until my head rested on the wall and sighed. You never want to hear that you have a heart problem.

I knew something was wrong heading into my recent check-up. I had shortness of breath for weeks and I was waking up at night with my heart racing. I thought I was just getting excited about the upcoming World Cup — until I realized I hadn't had a physical since before the pandemic hit. It was past time to take my slightly husky keister to see my doctor.

Dr. Hearn did not like my heart rate, so he ordered an EKG. A few minutes later, we had the answer.

Atrial fibrillation.

The top half of my heart is not in sync with the bottom half and is being told to pump more blood when it doesn't need to, leading to an irregular heartbeat. I sat in Dr. Hearn's office mentally flogging myself. Am I not getting enough sleep? Is it time to get back in the gym? Am I getting too wound up worrying about the Wild's defense or if Gophers women's hoops will ever turn the corner?

"It's nothing that you have done," Dr. Hearn said.

A few days later, I saw a cardiologist who explained to me how many people deal with AFib and the treatments available. I'll undergo a procedure next week and possibly another one early in 2023. I'm going to be OK.

So I'm not going to blame myself. I'm going to blame Minnesota sports instead.

The teams, the games, the story lines, they make me feel like Fred Sanford ready to meet his long-lost Elizabeth at the Pearly Gates. I have evidence. Here are the top five examples from this year that make my heart race even as I type this:

5. Another kicker is going to ruin the Vikings season. Gary Anderson, Blair Walsh, Daniel Carlson and Dan Bailey have left me perplexed and have tormented this fan base over the past 25 seasons. And now the Vikings have Greg Joseph. Any field goal attempt over 50 yards is risky. And he leads the NFL with five extra points missed. With the playoffs approaching, Vikings fans will be holding their breath — once again — each time Joseph lines up for an extra point or is needed to boot a long one in a big game. What is it with this franchise and kickers?

4. With a top running back in Mo Ibrahim and a veteran quarterback in Tanner Morgan, the Gophers were equipped to fill the power vacuum in the Big Ten West. Ibrahim delivered a fantastic season, Morgan not so much and a three-game October losing streak crushed their goals. The West Division was there for the taking, but we watched the Gophers fail to capitalize. Now coaches Matt Rhule (Nebraska) and Luke Fickell (Wisconsin) join the division next year.

3. The Timberwolves: sometimes great, other times woof. The Wolves spent last season sparring with referees, trash-talking Russell Westbrook then over-celebrating their play-in game victory that earned them the right to be eliminated in the first round of the postseason by Memphis. They shook up the league with a trade for Rudy Gobert. But Gobert can't get up and down the court and it's rough watching a talented team fail to jell.

2. China. One non-Minnesota stressful moment: Covering the Winter Olympics in Beijing was supposed to be a career highlight. But the fellow seated behind me on the flight from Tokyo to Beijing tested positive for COVID upon landing and I was earmarked for close contact quarantine. For a week, I had the worst breakfast ever delivered to me every morning at 6 a.m. and tested twice a day. I was kicked out of the Opening Ceremony over an overabundance of caution. I promised an official that I was not going to get within 100 yards of Vladimir Putin, but no luck. I left. Putin arrived. And we all know what happened once the Olympics ended and he returned to Russia.

1. Can Emilio be Pa-Gone? The Fast and the Furious is the name of one of Hollywood's most successful movie franchises, It also describes the way Twins leads evaporated when Emilio Pagan entered a game. His average fastball of 95.6 miles per hour was a career-best, but that didn't stop opponents from pulverizing that pitch, and others. Most of his failings came at the hands of division rival Cleveland. My mailbox and Twitter mentions overflowed all summer with complaints from Twins fans, and I dreaded turning on the computer each morning, and ...

OK, OK, calming down now. Breathing.

I'm writing this with a smile on my face. Sports won't do me in, and I'm confident that I'll get the proper treatment. I trust Dr. Hearn and will take his words to (ahem) heart. But this much is true: Being in Minnesota can really test a sports fan's heart.