Carl Hiaasen's an 'equal opportunity SOB'

Carl Hiaasen, the Florida-born and -based journalist, columnist and writer of outrageous bestselling novels, recently came to speak at the Star ­Tribune.

I interviewed the author of the new novel "Razor Girl" and many others, including my favorite, "Tourist Season," in unusual surroundings. He gave me his undivided attention, more or less, while riding down an elevator and escalator on his way to another engagement. (The elevator-ride interview doesn't happen nearly enough, but I know how to fix that.)

Q: From where did you get your sick sense of humor?

A: I don't know. My mom had the Irish sense of humor, and the Norwegian side of my family certainly was a little more serious; my dad's side of the family.

Q: Tell me your favorite joke.

A: I don't have a favorite, I can't retell a joke. I'm ­terrible at that.

Q: Are you a character in any of your books?

Q: How would you get rid of iguanas taking up residence in the backyard? I ask this for a relative in Fort Lauderdale. Iguanas are protected aren't they?

A: No, they are not. There is actually a bounty on iguanas. They are all over the place. I won't say how I would get rid of them but I know lots of people get rid of them. They shoot.

Q: Shoot them and toss them in the garbage?

A: I don't know what they do with them, but they're a real problem, an invasive species.

Q: You're a fly fisherman. Have you ever been on a python hunt in the ­Everglades?

Q: You're not afraid of any member of the reptile family, so what animals make you feel fear?

A: I'm not crazy about large sharks.

Q: But if you don't go in the water, you don't have to worry about them?

A: Exactly right. But you know, when I'm in the boat and see a 12-foot shark, it does recalibrate the universe. I sit down. These people who swim with them are very interesting to me, because most of the grizzled old fishermen I know who have spent their life in Florida won't get in the water.

Q: You don't believe in ­writer's block?

Q: Moral corruption is one of your themes.

A: Yeah.

Q: You said, "I'm not a nice person."

A: I didn't mean I'm not a nice person. I think writers, somebody's whose been in the business this long, gets a tough hide. What I mean is you have to be kind of cold to do this job. You could be a nice person in your private life but in the professional world you live in, you have to be objective. You have to be an equal opportunity [SOB]. By that I mean, you're writing a column. You have to, if it's a crook, go after [them whether] they are a Democrat or a Republican or Libertarian. You have to be fair.

Q: You're always rooting for nature. Is nature going to win?

Q: How many of the commandments have you ­broken?

A: Boy. I'd have to look at the commandments. Probably a couple. But I'd have to review the commandments. Have they been revised?

C.J. can be reached at cj@startribune.com and seen on Fox 9's "Jason Show." E-mailers, please state a subject; "Hello" does not count.