Charles Barkley brought himself to Minnesota.
Charles Barkley isn't sure he wants to bring himself back.
Sure, he smiled during his recent visit, he sampled the delights of Manny's Steakhouse and he wandered the aisles of the downtown Minneapolis Target store. He helped give the state a whole new tourism slogan. But did anyone think to take that entire man down to the Mall of America and swaddle him in several acres of parka?
As the Timberwolves justified all the streets and buildings repainted in their honor by not getting eliminated in Game 4 of the Western Conference finals, Barkley lamented his return to the state known for its frigid winters. Shaq, too, basically shivered in anticipation.
It's almost June, Charles Barkley. You'll be fine. Brace for a blizzard of confetti. Brace for the shrieks of scores of happy sports fans to blow even more cottonwood fluff off the trees. Brace for the state to work Shaq's choice quote into a winter tourism theme. There is no bad weather. Only bad announcing.
"If I'm Jason Kidd, I'm not going to talk about stats at halftime. I'm just going to show them the weather in Minnesota that's snowing and say, 'Y'all don't want to go back to this, do you?'" Barkley told confused fellow announcers way down in Texas, where there are just two seasons: "sweltering" and "tumbleweeds."
"That's all I'd say: 'Guys, it's snowing in Minnesota,'" Sir Charles continued, wrongly. "It's hot as hell down here in Dallas, but it's better than snow. Let's get this thing over with."
As Minnesota's own Prince once moped, sometimes it snows in April, in May, in June, in August … in every month except July, as far as the National Weather Service knows. But it was 62 degrees in the Twin Cities on Tuesday and it looks like somebody sent Minnesota's favorite visitor a clip of a blizzard of cottonwood fluff at the Twins game.
It's cottonwood fluff, Charles Barkley. Bring ya antihistamines!
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