Here's your government in action: Fifty-one new grapes are set to join the exclusive group of grape varietals that winemakers can put on their bottle labels.
Move over, merlot and zinfandel. Here come Godello, Mustang, Jupiter, King of the North, Diana, Pinot Bianco and By George. At least two made-in-Minnesota, cold-weather-tolerant grapes made the cut: Petite Pearl and Chisago.
It turns out wine labels are another place where Washington decides what you can and can't say. An agency I had never heard of before, the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB), must approve anything on the labels of American wines that describes the origin and varietal of the grapes that went into them.
"The idea behind it is basically to protect the consumer," said Tom Hogue, a spokesman for the agency. "We don't want someone to make something up, throw it on the label and confuse people."
In 2012, an Associated Press writer called the TTB "one of the federal government's least-known and most peculiar corners." With 470 employees and a budget of $100 million, the TTB checks for weird substances in cigarettes and booze, collects taxes on both and simultaneously regulates manufacturers and promotes their industries.
Hogue explained to me some of the quirks with federal oversight of alcohol marketing. The Food and Drug Administration regulates wine with less than 7 percent alcohol.
"Distilled spirits are our area," he said. "With beer, if it's a malt beverage made with malted barley and hops, it's ours. If it's sorghum and hops, it's FDA's."
The division of duties doesn't really make any sense, but that's often the case with regulation, especially of alcohol.
