Dear Carolyn: I'm a dentist and am lucky to make really good money. My boyfriend works at a blue-collar job and makes considerably less, which doesn't bother me. We've been dating for about a year and I know he has a great work ethic. He is a kind man and treats me with care and respect. I feel blessed to have him in my life and I know he sees marriage in our future.
He met my parents a few months ago. We had a lovely meal, and things went well. I thought.
My parents talked to me privately afterward and made their disapproval clear. They called him immature and brought up the disparity in our salaries. I really thought they wouldn't have an issue with my boyfriend because they both come from working-class backgrounds.
Every time we talk, they push me to break up. I'm close with my parents and they have been my biggest champions, paying for my college and supporting me emotionally throughout dental school and setting up my practice. Cutting them out of my life would cause great emotional distress.
It's really wrenching since my boyfriend thinks they like him. I can't share this with him, right? It's wearing me down. Do you think they will eventually back off, seeing how happy I am? Is there anything I can do to help them accept him?
Carolyn says: Why, "every time we talk," do you give them room to keep pushing?
Your choices aren't limited to "sit there and take it" and "cut them out of my life." You have a voice.
You can say, for example: "If you have concerns about [boyfriend's] character, then I will hear you out." Once, by the way — this is not license for them to carp. "But if your only message is that you would choose differently for me, then you've made your point and it's no longer open for discussion."
