Dear Carolyn: For years, my husband has had an issue with cellphones and computers, and makes life very difficult for our family. For example, he will not let me or our college-age kids use our phones in the dining room; he refuses to look at anything we want to show him on a phone; he immediately responds with, "How did you hear that?" when I tell him something like an old friend passed away (instead of "oh, my, that is sad"); he makes me turn my alert volume down so he doesn't "have to listen to your phone beeping all the time"; he avoids our bedroom when I am in there on the computer; and so on.
When we are out with others, he has no problem looking at something on their phones. When we call him out on his hypocrisy, he says he doesn't live with these people.
None of us are "addicted" to our phones and clearly I feel the problem lies within him. He feels his issues are understandable and that society has the problem, not him. I am so tired of living this way.
Carolyn says: Take it from someone who bans phones in the dining room and rose up against the aural tyranny of alerts: The problem is not "clearly" all within him.
And society does have a problem.
Even if we agree you aren't (ahem) "addicted," it can still be utterly lonely to inhabit a home with people all bent to their screens. So go easy on "hypocrisy" charges, too.
While your husband has apparently escalated from objections to campaign to unhinge-y crusade, and his doing so is anathema to home as refuge for all, your most effective first move is to grant him fair points where he's made them. OK, no phones in the dining room. OK, I'll disable all alerts except for work or emergencies, and use custom tones where possible.
OK? OK.
