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How to save face when discussing plastic surgery

Chicago Tribune
June 28, 2019 at 12:30PM
Plastic / Cosmetic Surgeon Examines Beautiful Woman's Face, Touches it with Gloved Hands, Inspecting Healed Face after Plastic Surgery with Amazing Results.
It’s better not to mention a friend’s plastic surgery. (The Minnesota Star Tribune)

Q: A friend clearly had plastic surgery but isn't mentioning it. How do you bring it up without seeming intrusive?

A: I hesitate to answer a question with a question, but I must inquire: Why do you feel the need to raise the subject in the first place? Surgery is a personal and private matter. We're curious beings, but you shouldn't be trying to learn more about something that's not your business. As one woman who had a face-lift told me, "It's incredibly rude to come out and ask about it. Wait for the person to tell you."

Think before you speak: If someone's still scarred or bruised, don't say what's on your mind, which is likely to be, "What the heck happened to you?" Avoid gossip. And certainly don't be the one to start rumors or ask, "Do you think he's had work done?"

When it comes to "bad" plastic surgery, it's best to pretend not to notice. Sometimes it can take up to a year for a procedure to fully heal.

Steven Petrow, civility and manners expert

A: When you meet someone who's had plastic surgery, know that it's a personal decision he or she made. I don't think it's right to bring up the topic. As a plastic surgeon, I don't bring up anything unless the patient points it out, so that definitely should go for people you meet socially.

If you've had some work done and someone makes an offensive comment, be forthright and say, "If I did, it's my business and not yours."

If someone does ask, "What did you have done?" and is genuinely curious and not ill-spirited, you can offer an answer that is truthful but doesn't disclose everything. You can say, "You caught me. I had some touch-up done."

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A close friend might feel a responsibility to point out something that they think is wrong, like your lips being overdone. They're trying to be helpful in telling you something you might not notice, an alert that falls into the "You have a piece of food on your teeth" realm. But it still can hurt your feelings. Try to consider the comment in the well intended manner it was delivered.

Dr. Brent Moelleken, plastic and reconstructive surgeon in Beverly Hills, Calif.

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