Brooks: John Stamos calls crop art ‘crap art’ after he’s immortalized in seeds at Minnesota State Fair

If someone glues countless seeds and beans onto a board to create your likeness, the correct response is thank you.

Minnesota artist Christy Klancher bent over her canvas, manipulating tiny grains of millet and quinoa with a toothpick tipped with Elmer’s glue, nudging split peas into tidy rows. Around her in the sweltering Agriculture/Horticulture building at the Minnesota State Fair, crowds watched this crop art demonstration avidly. Millet face. Wild rice mullet. Poppy-seed eyes a-twinkle. A portrait of ex-teen idol John Stamos was coming together before their very eyes, a face familiar to any eyes that witnessed the 1990s firsthand.

What, you might ask, was the response from Stamos to this ultimate of Minnesota honors, being rendered in crop art?

“Crap art,” the small-screen star posted on X, with a photo of his seed-and-bean doppelganger.

Now there’s going to be weirdness between us, John Stamos.

There’s a story behind this incredibly niche crop art beef, so gather around, Minnesota, and learn the story of Riot Fest, an excellent Chicago music festival that has been trying to lure Stamos — best known for playing Uncle Jesse on the saccharine ‘90s sitcom “Full House” — into its lineup for years.

Riot Fest — unofficial and irreverent motto: “Riot Fest Sucks” — has carved Stamos in butter, curated an exhibit of fine Stamos art and hired other celebrities to stand in for him and pledge never to set foot on the fest.

Riot Fest 2024 runs from Sept. 20-22 in Chicago’s Douglass Park with a lineup of more than 90 acts, from Beck to Public Enemy to St. Vincent to Rob Zombie to Waxahatchee. Stamos, once again, is a no-show.

Klancher, who is planning to bring Seed Stamos to Riot Fest in the hope of adding him to the collection alongside Butter Stamos, took the “crap art” crack in stride. You cannot spend that many hours covered in Elmer’s Glue-All without deep reserves of humor.

“I did not expect John Stamos to interact at all,” she said, still chuckling over his social media feedback. “It’s really quite awesome.”

Over the years, Klancher has immortalized countless icons in seed.

Dessa incorporated her crop art, with other crafters, in her video for “5 out of 6.”

“THANK YOU!” Chan Poling of The Suburbs posted after she immortalized the band’s 40th anniversary in beans. “My career arc is complete.”

Comedian Lizz Winstead, co-creator of the Daily Show, ranked it as one of the highest honors a Minnesotan can achieve.

“Was wildly honored to be the subject of this awesome crop art,” Craig Finn of the Hold Steady posted on Instagram, along with Klancher’s image of him sliding triumphantly down a corn kernel giant slide.

Stamos’s agent has not responded to this columnist’s crop art queries.

Klancher, hazed but unfazed, plans to bring her seedy Stamos to Riot Fest this weekend, where she and it will no doubt be greeted by a ticker tape parade of back stage passes.

John Stamos has no idea what he’s missing.