On April 6, you can bring used underwear to a Duluth Trading Co. store, and they will not call the police. They will take it, and give you a pair of “Buck Naked” underwear in return.
I’m not going there unless I see a guy outside in a hazmat suit with 6-foot tongs and a portable incinerator.
“Wear ‘em in, carry ‘em in, schlep ‘em in, we don’t care how you bring them, just dig in your drawer for a pair of expired underwear and trade them ‘up’ at your local Duluth Trading store,” said Ricker Schlecht, senior vice president of product development.
Ahem. One does not schlep underwear. It’s like saying “I’ve been lugging this handkerchief around all day” or “I’m tired from dragging this sock from here to there.” I think the term we should use is schlecht, as in: “I schlechted an unlaundered unmentionable to the store.”
The press release calls Buck Naked “virally popular.” This is one of those terms that would’ve been confusing 20 years ago. It’s confusing today.
Does the underwear give you a virus, or prevent them? If it’s the latter, sure, sign me up, but underwear that gives me a cold in the groinal regions doesn’t sound fun. You might trumpet out some conspicuous blast while shifting about in one’s seat, then say, “Sorry, came down with viral underwear, but I don’t think I’m contagious.”
I would prefer anti-viral underwear, because you wouldn’t have to stay home for three days after you put it on.
You might wonder if the Buck Naked brand has a story. Because every proud product has to have a story. You can’t just say, “Here’s some underwear. It’s durable and it won’t ride up like someone cinched the band to a bottle rocket.” No, it usually goes like this:
